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April 29, 2002

SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT I spy with my little eye, something beginning with Table... ummm... I mean T. Something beginning with T. Forget what I said about Table. So... any guesses? Table.

PINKPUNKBUNNY And while we are on the subject, has anyone seen my lucky red socks? Davord ate them. I'm sooo sorry.

THE DUCK IN THE HAT Exactly why is a fluorescent pink Biro considered unsuitable for school work? Who made that rule up then? Old people, eh?

 

I'M BACK!

My disappearance is an interesting tale. I was abducted by seven-eyed aliens who took me to their planet — no pollution, friendly people and musicians for all.

I was all set to stay forever, until I accidentally upset them by, well, trying to take over the world after they had taught me the meaning of life and shown me how to use my brain.

So, how's life back here? Did I miss much?

Black Widow

You won't have heard of Pop Idol then?

SIT DOWN, THIS MAY TAKE A WHILE...

 

SHEEP v MERINGUES

Anyone who wants to take part in this debate, please feel free. I, as the chairman-type guy, will not be influencing the floor in any way.

First, I call WLW to speak. WLW, please speak your thoughts now.

The 12th Lemon

Sheep are just meringues with legs

ANYWAY, SURELY?

 

DEAR WLW AND 'ZINERS

I'm sorry I haven't written in for a while. Did anybody even notice? Never mind.

Here's what I've been doing:

  • Sleeping
  • Not doing my homework
  • Watching Smallville!
  • Choking on my food at the hilarity of B*ckch*t
  • Using big words like hilarity
  • Eating chocolate

The Returning Snaz

Blimey, it's a day for returning

GOLDEN OLDIES, ISN'T IT?

 

THE HAT'S TIPS — No 3

Don't start a titled series of letters unless you actually intend to get past number 2.

Here's another nugget of knowledge: don't carelessly use an electric shaver if your hair's longer than usual. It's really, really, not a good idea. Take my word for it.

Galder Weatherwax's Hat

Invaluable advice, for which we can

ONLY SAY... WHY?

 

CLIMBING LAMPPOSTS

It's true! Climbing lampposts is a very odd but strangely addictive phenomenon that has baffled scientists for centuries! Well... my science teacher.

She constantly tells me off for it — why can't she see the joy of it?

Up near that bright bulb lighting up the street is a sense of joy and freedom. I told her this, but she just told me not to be so silly.

Cow In The Shed

Hmmm...

I THINK SHE MAY HAVE A POINT

 

WLW AND MAVIS

I have reason to believe that, on pages 650-659 on the great thing that is Teletext, there is an evil mobile phone chat service.

Every Friday, they have a little quiz, done by a Quizmaster. He claims to have a lovely assistant, Tara.

Could WLW be the Quizmaster and Tara, his lovely assistant, Mavis?

XPhile2868

I can't even get Mavis to take part

IN A SIMPLE POP QUIZ DOWN OUR LOCAL!

 

FUN THINGS TO DO IN A LIFT

  1. Open your bag, peer inside and ask: "Got enough air in there?"
  2. Greet everyone getting into the lift with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Billy Bob.
  3. Miaow occasionally.
  4. Draw a little square on the floor and announce that this is your personal space.

Works for me.

Spandex Badger

Remind me NEVER to get in a lift

WITH YOU!