Mega-Zine
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April 26—27, 2002

AND THE ASS SAW THE ANGEL 88.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Yes, but 42% of those are 38.1% wrong.

BIG BOB FLAPPER I'm great. I'll be honest. I'm good at everything I am. That's why I'm great. But modesty forbids you to say just how great.

SIR WHENCE PITCHFORK If you don't want to be cast overboard, surely you've got to be the one who gets the most paper and the best pencil to draw the longest straw? You'd think so.

 

TOP 10 THINGS I HATE (in order):

  1. Cold, rainy, windy days
  2. The lack of swings near my house
  3. The lack of anything interesting near my house
  4. When you remember you had 140 unread e-mails, and it was all just a dream
  5. The cat/dog argument
  6. Evil bad days like today
  7. College
  8. Exams
  9. Coursework
  10. Men

Miss World

Spot on, even with the glaring omission

OF SO SOLID CREW

 

CURRY

Did you know that it takes exactly the same time to read 'Zine as it does to cook a Sainsbury's chicken curry? (Food of the gods, I dare you to defy me on this one!).

I hereby take this as a sign that I was meant to read 'Zine and eat chicken curry.

Milton and Me
WTGB

Your research knows no bounds,

DOES IT?

 

FOOTBALL

Arsenal fans are intelligent people with excellent taste? Ha ha ha — oh, you were serious!

As much as I like you, WLW, and cool as I think you are, I just can't handle the fact you support Arsenal. What's all that about? I mean, why?

Can I have a picture of a football for being brave enough to go against you? Liverpool for the title, by the way, or at least Man United, but please... not Arsenal!

Blue Smartie

You are sadly misguided — my beloved

ARSENAL ARE ALMOST THERE! HURRAH!

 

CURIOUS PONDERINGS

To whoever claimed that ducks' quacks don't echo, I have to concur.

I had never thought about this before, so I paid a visit to the local tourist spot "Duck Canyon" — 150ft of pure duck goodness, and lo and behold... 'twas silent. Or maybe the ducks were dead.

(We did have lead poisoning once at the bread factory... I wonder... fade to boredom).

The Suited Stranger

Duck Canyon?

THIS IS A WIND-UP, RIGHT?

 

GRRRR...

I have saved the world countless times, become the subject of very successful (if poor) movies and have had more books written about me than Paul Hunn (who can burp at 118 dB, so deserves a mention).

So why won't Fat Bob Flappy leave me alone? I've a good mind to sort the young hoodlum out.

Oh, and by the way, Bob runs like a girl. That's why they call him "flapper" at school!

Superman

Is this true, Flapper?

DO YOU HAVE A GIRLIE RUN?

 

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

Get a pack of Super Noodles (any flavour). Follow the instructions.

Get a couple of slices of ham or beef, cut into little bitty pieces and stick in the pot with the noodles. Do the same with a spring onion or two (if you like onions).

Get a little lump of cheese (not the entire pack!) and chop into litle bitty pieces and shove into the pot. Wait until its finished cooking and eat.

Luvverly. Does that sound delicious or what?

Silvan Draconis

Delia would be

SOOOOOOO PROUD