Mega-Zine
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April 24, 2002

NiLiD Drink milk, save a tree. Nature is nice, so nice. Big girl's blouse.

THE COW OWNER (EPISODE 2.1.1.1) I bought a cow at the weekend. It says moo and looks pretty good. And it mows the lawn. But a lot smellier than a Flymo, I'm guessing.

SUPERMAN Before sliced bread was invented, did people just put two loaves of bread together to make a sandwich? 'Best thing since two loaves of bread put together'? Nah.

 

5 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE A SCARECROW

  1. Attempt to scare crows.
  2. Have witty conversations with shrubs.
  3. Complain that you want a new jacket.
  4. Admire the lovely scenery, day after day.
  5. Plead for a TV to read 'Zine.

MuSeD

And refuse to have anything to do

WITH THE WIZARD OF OZ

 

MINI HULA HOOPS ARE SO KEWL!

Not only do you get all the goodness of Hula Hoops, they're also a really yummy crispy bacon flavour and a fun teeny tiny size!

You get loads in a tub and you can give your friends a handful and still have lots left for yourself!

I can not give the creator of these enough thanks.

Miss World

So...

YOU GOT THE JOB AT KP THEN?

 

'ZINE

My English teacher collected in our textbooks today. I'd forgotten mine and the best excuse I could come up with was:

"Oh, I thought we were supposed to burn them."

Well, at least I was inventive.

The Cereal Killer

Inventive, but daft. Tell them if it's

NOT LATIN, YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED

 

HERE ARE THE ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK'S QUIZ

  1. Yes
  2. Three bananas
  3. a: backwards, b: forwards, c: it doesn't
  4. See question 10
  5. Crunchie bars
  6. Beckenham, Lambeth and Bromley
  7. Courtney Love
  8. "Je suis une petite crab"
  9. HM Prison Wormwood Scrubs
  10. See question 4

Electric Dreams

Oh, it was CRUNCHIE bars!

I WAS CONVINCED IT WAS FUSE

 

GIVE 'EM A CHANCE

I know you're an Arsenal fan and all, but I want to state my case as to why you should lay off Spurs fans:

  1. Even though there's this whole rivalry thing, the lovely Skutter Bob is a Spurs fan which proves they aren't all thugs.
  2. We have greater evils to fight, including tortoises and Man United.
  3. Just because!

Lilac Leopard

Skutter looks like Harry Potter

AND SUPPORTS SPURS? OH DEAR...

 

JEFFREY PIG

Cults are generally regarded as bad because:

  • The cult leaders extort money off the vulnerable and then do a bunk to New Mexico.
  • They believe in crazy stuff — like ingrowing toenails are a sign of holiness and shower gel is sinful.

Reverend Parsley Possum

You mean shower gel isn't sinful?

NOT EVEN SAFEWAY'S OWN?

 

GRRRRR...

Does anyone else hate that annoying alien-type creature on the Milky Way advert? It has totally ruined that lovely chocolate for me!

He even has his own game on digital TV where you can hear his catchphrases in all their "splendour"... it's enough to drive you insane. He is the enemy and must be destroyed.

Broccoli The Evil One

Lighten up, guy!

TOO MUCH HUFFIN' AND PUFFIN' STUFF