Mega-Zine
Icon

January 27, 2002

SIR WHENCE PITCHFORK The world is run from a clerk's office in Torquay. That explains a lot of weird stuff going on.

BROCCOLI THE EVIL ONE Warning: Marzipan makes your breath smell awful. Marzipan IS awful — don't risk it, kids.

FAT SLOPER ACTION How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored? Extensive research leads me to believe it's 23 — could be wrong.

 

LISTEN UP, Y'ALL

I have kidnapped the Brigadier, Dark Grey Wolf of Norbex and Man With The Golden Bun and, if my demands are not met, I shall release one of them each hour until they are all back on your screens.

You have been warned — I am a desperate man.

Pessimistic Peanut

There's a bucket doing the rounds —

DIG DEEP!

 

THINK BACK A FEW YEARS

I have discovered that your taste in music when you were 10 is invariably better than it is now.

Queen, Dire Straits, Whitesnake and Big Country are much better than the miserable rubbish I like now. Plus, they all had great hair.

The exception to the rule is people who used to be MSP fans, but are no longer. Thank goodness you're cured.

Parsley Possum

Big Country? What 'miserable rubbish'

ARE YOU LISTENING TO NOW, EXACTLY?

 

I WANT TO BE A TREE

If I was a tree, how happy I would be.
If I was a tree, I could stand around for cent-ur-ies.
If I was a tree, I really would be happy.
Because if I was a tree, I would not need a nappy.

Well, it rhymes.

Jezza (The Hairy One)

Yes. It rhymes. Just.

NOT MUCH ELSE YOU CAN SAY, REALLY

 

PICTURES

I realise this craze is going to get old really soon, what with flashing variations now appearing. So, before everyone begins to detest the sight of pictures on 'Zine, could I have one that only appears when you press reveal?

Anything'll do, maybe a frog or guitar or something?

Drawing of a green frog.

Misfit

I've outdone myself here — press reveal

FOR TODAY'S EXCITING PIC, KIDS!

 

EVIL BUS DRIVERS' ACADEMY

Here you will learn the skills you need to be an evil bus driver, including:

  • Being as late as you can then showing up just after potential passengers have given up and gone home!
  • Waiting until people run up to the bus in a panic before shutting the doors and driving off!
  • Being rude and obnoxious! Come along to our open day to see for yourself (just don't rely on our bus service to get you there!)

The Little Silver Moonbaby

Don't forget driving past in the rain

WHEN THERE'S CLEARLY ROOM TO STAND!

 

IDENTITY CRISIS

So far, in my 15 years, I have been compared to:

  • Eddie (the dog from Frasier)
  • Phoebe (from Friends)
  • The short balding guy from Seinfeld who's name I can't remember
  • Richard (Judy's other half)

and, the one that really annoys me:

  • Harry Potter

Believe me, if I was a wizard, people would know about it.

Satan's Rubber Duck

Trying to get a mental picture of you

FROM THAT LOT — BUT IT'S TOO SCARY

 

HEY, SOCIALIST GUERRILLA

You're on the right lines about WLW being an Icelandic pop star, but Sigur Ros the biggest band in Iceland? I think not. WLW is none other than the lead singer of Bellatrix.

Either that or WLW is Pall Oskar, who was in the Eurovision for Iceland. Wow, I have the biggest knowledge of Icelandic music out of all 'Ziners.

Scary or what?

Pablo Marmite

Incredibly! I can honestly say

I AM NOT PALL OSKAR — NO WAY