Mega-Zine
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December 12, 2001

PACKAGE You hate the AOL girl? Guess what — she's called Rachael Willis and is the daughter of my local MP (Harrogate and Knaresborough), Phil Willis! Scary eh? I think I'm going to move. I think that's wise!

BELFAST BOY Those who can, teach. Those who can't, teach PE. Been made to play rugby in the freezing cold again, huh?

FLUFFY THE EVIL ONE Never eat Rice Crispies with chopsticks! It doesn't sound like the smartest idea to me.

 

MY OXY LIST

Because I'm worth it...

  1. Microsoft Works
  2. Butt Head
  3. Found Missing
  4. Government Organisation
  5. Exact Estimate
  6. True Lies

Kellogulation

How about The Beautiful South...

GREATEST HITS! WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

 

SUPRISINGLY NICE SANDWICHES

  1. Peanut butter and tuna
  2. Omelette and banana
  3. Bacon and marmalade
  4. Marmite and turkey

The author accepts no responsibility for vomiting/illness/death incurred by the sampling of the above. Thank you.

The Despotic Banana

Well, I can't see there being a queue

TO SAMPLE ANY OF THEM, FRANKLY

 

TEACHERS

Why is it that, at my school, a teacher will really like you or hate you?

One of my teachers asked me what concerts I have been to and then said that he was going to see the Stereophonics. My response was "Oh... that's nice" and now he's like, my best friend! Weirdo.

Oh, and most of the other teachers hate me.

Le Enfant Terrible

They just wanna seem 'street' —

TELL HIM STEPS ARE THE LATEST THING

 

IF I ASK NICELY...

I might get a picture at the bottom of this. So here goes:

WLW, I think you are an absolutely fantastic person. Amazing in every way. You're brilliant, great, fabulous and wonderful.

How about... a chicken?

Drawing of a yellow rubber duck.

The Chicken Who Crossed The Road

Sadly, it was too hard. I failed!

PLEASE ACCEPT THIS DUCK INSTEAD

 

THE UNITED TRUTH

Not actually a Leicester 'Ziner, but a Leicestershire 'Ziner. I've had many a day of joy in the centre of Leicester, trying to distract the Christian guy who preaches near the clock tower, and watching the silver mime artist.

I can't believe how much fun the place is. Really. However, I live in Hinckley which makes a day out in the middle of a field seem interesting.

Fish On The Line

Oooh, I went to Hinckley once —

JUST THE ONCE, MIND!

 

WLW,

Thank you so much for printing me, my dear. It has made my day entirely. Just one thing though, please tell the kiddies I'm a girl! They're nice kiddies, I'm sure they'll understand.

Anyway, my birthday is on May 17. I'm sending this in advance to make sure it gets printed in time.

If you want to get me something nice, buy me a llama. Llamas are cool.

Milton and Me

But they're smelly and they spit —

ACTUALLY, NOT UNLIKE SPURS FANS

 

WLW/OTHER FOOTIE FANS

Have you noticed that, whenever a chant starts at a football ground, you never know the words straight away and just as you do know what everyone is singing and you're ready to grace the stadium with your magnificent voice — everybody else stops as you begin... making everyone look at you strangely!

Mind you, they might have been looking at my clothes — not the traditional football fan dress!

Pessimistic Peanut (Ipswich Fan)

I assume most songs at Portman Road

HAVE THE WORD RELEGATION IN THEM?