Mega-Zine
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December 11, 2001

KINDRED VENDETTA I sent this on November 22. When will it be posted? December 11 would be my guess.

SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT I'm certain I left my chocolate bar here. It was a mint Aero. I left it right there on the table, now I come back and it's gone! Would you know where it is, WLW? Hmmmm? Me? Nah, not a choccie person, me.

JEZZA IN THE CHILLI SOUP WITH MHBS WLW, do you or any other 'Ziners understand "THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN"? Not at all.

 

A FEW THINGS I CAN'T DO WITHOUT

  • Oxygen and water (well... duh!)
  • 'Zine and the Vegetable Revolution
  • Vinegar
  • The Simpsons
  • Potato waffle sarnies
  • Dirty underwear
  • Pointless lists.

The Cloven Hoof

All well and good, though

THE DIRTY UNDERWEAR THING? HMMMM...

 

'ZINERS,

When reading your pages, I found one letter disturbing. It came from Satan's Rubber Duck and bad-mouthed the two greatest things to come out of Australia: Neighbours and Rolf Harris.

Neighbours is brilliant and puts our English soaps to shame and, with Diagnosis Murder, makes brilliant daytime viewing.

Rolf Harris is a legend, without him I would not be able to draw and there would never have been the classic Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport.

The New Kid

I think you may have just argued

YOURSELF UP A CUL-DE-SAC THERE!

 

A TERRIBLE CONFESSION

It was my parent's silver anniversary recently, and for a "treat" they took my whole family to Wembley for a concert.

I was excited — would I soon be watching NIN, Coal Chamber etc? Oh no, when we arrived, the truth sank in... it was a Hear'Say concert!

I was terrified — trendies all around me with whistles and glow sticks. I managed to survive, but only by staring at the floor throughout the "gig".

The Pessimistic Peanut

How old do you have to be before

YOU CAN DIVORCE YOUR PARENTS?

 

10 REASONS WHY I MADE THIS LIST

  1. I was bored
  2. It seems fun
  3. I saw some other guy do this
  4. In an attempt to stop world hunger
  5. I forgot number 4
  6. Never mind, here it is
  7. I have an hour to spend
  8. There are more than 8 Pokemon
  9. I like lists
  10. I wanted to fill the 'Zine up with more Kellogulation junk.

Kellogulation

And you did!

MORE JUNK ALWAYS APPRECIATED

 

FIREMAN SAM,

Considering the size of Fireman Sam's village, it's a bit of a suprise that a fire service is even needed. I mean, look at it: one shop, one restaurant and a few houses.

The only conclusion is that either the village is full of serial pyromaniacs, or they all own very stupid cats.

The Despotic Banana

I'm going for pyromaniacs —

CATS AIN'T STOOPID

 

'ZINERS,

This may come as a really big surprise to you all, but even though I look like Jamie Oliver, I can't actually cook!

Now, I know this may be very upsetting to some of you who have asked me for help with food-related topics in the past, but I'm afraid I'm the only person who can set wallpaper on fire when making toast in a toaster.

Le Enfant Terrible

So, no point in asking you for advice

ON STODGY CRANBERRY SAUCE THEN?

 

'ZINERS,

Does anyone else experience the hell that is "resistant materials" lessons? Why can't they just call it woodwork?

My teacher is revolting. He spits when he talks, his fingernails and skin are disgustingly dirty and he always wears the same filthy white coat. He is also under the impression that we are all desperate to make a clock.

Roll on February, then we can do Food instead!

The Worm At The Top Of The Garden

A clock? There's flash — I thought it

WAS ALL PENCIL BOXES AND STUFF!