The Mega-Zine Museum
October 28, 2001
THE PESSIMISTIC PEANUT If life is a box of chocolates, who are the unlucky people who get those foul orange cream ones? You people have my sympathies. Usually me, Davord and Mable.
QUEEN OF THE TROUBLED TEENS Does Santa come to Davord? Or does he get a big lump of coal? Er... no. Santa doesn't visit us any more. Not after last year.
SUBATOMIC GENIUS Can I nominate Twix McGoo as the ultimate 'Ziner babe? You may indeed. She'll be thrilled.
WLW
You are going to make Fluffy cry, 'cos Despotic Banana has had an ambulance and Parsley Possum got an egg, so... where's mine?
I want a monkey that you have to press 'reveal' to see!
Fluffy The Evil One
No can do, I'm afraid... but look —
I DID CYPRUS! REALLY... IT'S CYPRUS!
A POEM BY MOI
If the world ended tomorrow
And time decided to stop
I think the only thing I'd miss
Is the confectionary shop!
It sells me lots of chocolate
And sweets and stuff like that
With the amount I manage to consume
God knows how I'm not fat!
But lately I've decided
To eat more fruit and veg
Which is OK, unless it's gherkins
'Cos I'd rather eat a hedge!
Cedrick Fibonnacci, the Pilchard
A marvellous addition to Poetry Corner.
YOU MANAGED CHOCCIE AND GHERKINS!
I THOUGHT I WOULD INFORM YOU ALL
There are girls who go to my school who can only be described as "Barbie, minus the intellectual streak". They appear, by their volume of make-up, to be modelling themselves on drag queens.
Every time I see them in full eyeliner, I want to say: "I hope your eyes get better soon".
They worship Britney Spears and tend to talk with terrible fake scouse accents. Need I say more?
Milton and Me
No, you most definitely do NOT
NEED TO SAY MORE — FRIGHTENING!
SMARTIES vs SKITTLES
- Skittles are just a chewy rip off of Smarties.
- There's more chance a Skittle will get lodged in your windpipe because there's no chocolate to melt it away.
- You can never taste the rainbow with Skittles because there are always too many red ones for there to be any space left for other colours.
- Only Smarties have the answer, or in this case, the chocolate.
Demented Wheelie Bin From Hell
So that's a vote for Smarties then...
I'D HAVE TO AGREE
QUESTIONS THAT MUST BE ANSWERED!
- Why do Pavement CDs cost so much, but Flaming Lips CDs are cheap?
- Why are pigeons always in train stations?
- If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys around?
- If you made Oxo from Laughing Cow, would it be a laughing stock?
NinjaCow
1, 2 and 3... I have no idea, but
4 MADE ME LAUGH — IT'S A THOUGHT!
WLW
I have a feeling that many people from Middlesbrough will now start writing in, encouraged by my fame. Sadly, they aren't and never will be as funny as me, and I can prove this:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most poems rhyme
But this one doesn't
I can hear millions wetting themselves at this very moment.
Crusty, the Disgruntled Cabbage
You seem to be under the impression
THAT ANYTHING GOES IN POETRY CORNER
WLW
I was most upset to hear you and Fluffy taking the mickey out of Tottenham. Although you are an Arsenal fan, we should not poke fun at Spurs, we should simply feel sorry for them and thank Satan that we are, at least, not Tottenham fans ourselves.
I hope that Fluffy TEO takes notice of this. Now, let's hear no more of this nastiness and let us all be friends.
He Who Lived A Life Of Soliquity
You're right. I was always taught never
TO POKE FUN AT THOSE LESS FORTUNATE
