The Mega-Zine Museum
October 16, 2001
BROCCOLI THE EVIL ONE When it comes to my philosophy teacher, Mongolian yaks have a lot to answer for. So he/she looks like a yak, y'mean? Really?
JINGLE In just one year, the average 'Ziner will spend more than 24 hours in total reading these pages. To think what we could have done in that time!
DISSIMULATION I've always wondered whether or not cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? I am being overrun with comedians.
'ZINERS
I used to have a piece of Blue-Tack which I named Mr Tacky. He went everywhere with me and I also taught him to do tricks, like sitting still for hours on end.
Unfortunately, I lost him and am now launching an appeal to find him (he's blue and tacky).
If you find a piece, send it to WLW who will kindly check them all for me.
And WLW, you can use the excess to pin up your Boyzone posters. Everyone's happy.
The Despotic Banana
Thank you very much! I can't wait —
AND I DON'T HAVE NO BOYZONE POSTERS
DANDELION AND BURDOCK
Just what is this enigmatic concoction?
I can't remember what it tastes like, so I don't really know what I'm on about, but I remember hearing that it is the favourite drink of communist types.
Did anyone else hear this, or is it just anti-dandelion and burdock propaganda? I read it in The Daily Mail, so I have to question the integrity of that information.
Parsley Possum
I can't remember what it tastes like
EITHER... CLEARLY AFFECTS THE MEMORY
'ZINERS
My brother is at uni but, seeing as he goes to the nearest one, he can catch a bus to get there and back home. This is his second year of Popular Music with Music Technology.
Yesterday, he came home with a "goody bag". You know the sort, 'cept this one was a particular pub/bar effort.
There was a tin of beans with a label you could hand in at the bar for a free pint of Carling, a crude poster and a few flicks!
Frank The Potato
I have loads of baked bean labels —
I COLLECT THEM. WHERE'S THIS PUB?
WEIRD DREAMS I HAVE HAD
Last night I dreamt that Manchester United midfielder, Jean Sebastian Veron, had taken over the world. He then managed to move all the continents of the world so that Europe was near Antartica.
Everyone in Britain had been deported to Indonesia. The dream ended with me and my sister debating how we could mobilise the forces of good to defeat the evil Veron.
Bob Bob The Bob
That Veron geezer... Ming the Merciless?
SEPARATED AT BIRTH? I THINK SO...
A POEM ABOUT MIDDLESBROUGH
O Land of luminous tracksuits
You are so scruffy on me
With cider on street corners
And graffiti on the walls
O Land of T-shirts with numbers
You make my life complete
For if you were not a world of freaks in stripes
I wouldn't be writing this
It doesnt scan or rhyme, but what the hell; I wrote it in five minutes.
Crusty the Cabbage
I'd never have guessed — you know,
FROM THE DEPTH AND MEANING
TRENDIES Part 1
A lone Trendy stands near a bench. He lifts his nose to the sky and sniffs. He can smell the overpowering Lynx scent, getting closer. A loud base (thump thump thump), getting closer.
Suddenly, the red Ford Escort appears and the Trendy staggers over and climbs in. He is welcomed by his tribe, with a bottle of some cheap alcoholic beverage.
Uneducated Shampoo
It has the makings of a great read —
SO, WHERE DO THEY GO? ROMFORD?
HA, IT WORKED!
Has this e-mail got there? But, If it's the wrong place, it's still there 'coz it's not here.
But it won't be there either 'cos it'll be somewhere else. But it will still be there... aaargh, I'm confused!
The Psycho Little Voices
YOU'RE confused! Well, it did get here,
SO... WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?
