Mega-Zine
Icon

October 19—20, 2001

MILTON AND ME Muse can be easily mistaken for Moose. I know someone whose Muse T-shirt has caused this problem. Happens to me all the time.

CRADLE OF CHEESE I have nothing to declare but my genius... and the fact, WLW, that you have mustard on your shirt. Oh what, again? God, I'm messy.

LEMMING CURD If practise makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practise? You know what? I look in the mirror each morning and ask myself the same thing!

 

WLW

I look up Megazine on Yahoo and what do I find?

  1. A Canadian magazine
  2. BBQ recipe pages (x2)
  3. Megazine cheese recipes!
  4. Megazine: crock-pot (A-Z) of recipes
  5. FAD Megazine

Just what IS with all the food? I mean, Megazine cheese recipes? Just what is that all about? Is it some kind of conspiracy to help Mavis catch mice?

Lady Penelope's Strings

Megazine cheese eh? Maybe we should

BRANCH OUT... OUR OWN FOOD LABEL?

 

LISTEN TO THIS...

Why is it that, although I comb my hair and it looks nice and neat in the morning, if there is the tiniest bit of wind outside... it goes all messy!?

Why does this not happen to anyone else? Perhaps the particles in my hair are just very free and lively (or something...)

The Man With The Golden Bun

Shave it all off

BE BOLD... BE BALD!

 

'ZINERS

Garden gnomes are meant to look nice in the garden, but they also have a range of other uses, these include:

  1. Doorstop
  2. Paperweight
  3. Child's toy
  4. Heavy blunt object... if you ever want one, that is. Not implying that you would want to use a blunt object of course! I mean, you wouldn't want to, would you? Look... I didn't see anything. Nothing, I tell you. Even if I did, I wouldn't tell anyone!

She Who Lost The Plot

It's like a bad episode of Brookside —

BLUNT OBJECTS ANONYMOUS, THAT IS

 

PURPLE AND ORANGE SOCKS

Ultimate oxymoron? (Yes, I know I'm contributing to a dead debate.)

When my auntie gives me the traditional present of home-made orange knitted socks with purple cherries as a pattern (the same as the other 15 pairs I already have) and then says "HAPPY birthday!", what's that all about?

Happy equals purple and orange socks? Not in my book!

The Multicoloured Plectrum Eater

Bless her! Mine gives me book tokens —

NOT CD TOKENS, BOOKS IF YOU PLEASE!

 

USELESS FACTS

  • Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.
  • 2,488,200 books will be shipped in the next 12 months with the wrong cover.
  • A hydrodaktulpsychicharmonica is a variety of musical glasses.
  • Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

The One With Little Significance

And 18% of all West Ham fans are called

KEV. OK, I MIGHT HAVE MADE THAT UP

 

GREETINGS

The Tweenies freak me out. It's their hands. They look almost human but they're not! The big older guy is the worst.

Ever noticed these child-like things don't have parents, just weird strangers who come and read them stories?

What kind of example is this?

Perplexed Crow

I have a soft spot for the Tweenies —

IN A VERY BIG, VERY DEEP BOG!

 

THE VOID

I've found out where old 'Ziners go when they retire... it's The Void on Planet Sound!

We have had Dormant Assassin and Morgo The Evil Fumigator on there over the last few days, so now we know where old 'Ziners are put out to collect their pensions and take their teeth out at night!

Fluffy The Evil One

Absolutely — once you reach grumpiness

IN THE EXTREME, IT'S OFF TO VOID