The Mega-Zine Museum
October 13, 2001
DISSIMULATION Have you ever tried to imagine a world without any hypothetical situations? Nobody likes a smarty pants, mister!
THE FILING CABINET UNDER THE STAIRS If an evil old lady tries to take your seat on a bus, pretend to be asleep. Works for me.
QUEEN OF THE TROUBLED TEENS Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Always wear heavy boots and a concrete hat. To be sure.
THINGS TO DO IN MIDDLESBROUGH
- Gaze at the people lying in a heap at the pub
- Go up and down in the glass lift in the Cleveland Centre
- Keep away from Grove Hill
- Laugh at 'deluxe' coaches that drive past (so deluxe that the seats are all made out of different material, where they have been 'slashed').
Crusty the Cabbage
And that's it, is it? I see that
WATCHING FOOTIE ISN'T ON YER LIST!
BEST 'ZINER EVER
The greatest 'Ziner of all time must be Davord, Lord Of Tharg. He only wrote about three letters, yet he has achieved household name status!
Sadly, I expect he is too busy wreaking intergalactic havoc to bother with us lowly folk any more, but Davord, Lord Of Tharg, we salute you! We wouldn't dare do anything else.
One false move and you are history, especially if he's hungry.
Parsley Possum
He's ALWAYS hungry — thus explaining
THE DISAPPEARANCE OF SOME 'ZINERS
WLW
I dreamt about a red beach ball, skitting across a beach in the wind. But it kind of went away. I waited for a bit, but it didn't come back.
I also dreamt that I was on my own on a desert island. I shouted: "Where are all my friends?" No-one answered me.
What do these dreams mean?
The Man With The Golden Bun
That all your friends are on a beach,
PLAYING WITH A RED BALL... ELSEWHERE
WLW
I think we should all take a moment to thank the little green man who lives in the light at the crossing.
Without him, who would we turn to when we need to get to the other side of the road?
Sweet Smell Of Psychosis
Not the little red man, he's evil...
LURED ME TO NEAR DEATH MANY A TIME
IDEAS FOR KID'S TV SHOWS
Here are my great ideas for kids' TV shows, educational yet exciting!
- Phil Oakey Doke — the lead singer from Human League having adventures with his lil' woodland friends... an oakleaf in place of his dodgy fringe.
- Postman Pat Sharp — Pat Sharp and his black'n'white mullet, delivering letters round the cer-razy Fun House.
I'll be rich... rich I tells ya! <insert evil laugh here>
The Prettiest Vacant Around
Oh dear, I feel a whole can of worms
HAS JUST POPPED ITSELF OPEN
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
For years now, I have been an avid reader of 'Zine but I have never been able to pluck up the courage to do anything about my love for you folks.
But the other day, as I was contemplating why egg yolk is yellow, I decided to go where no me has gone before and put pen to paper/finger to mouse, and write you a wee letter.
And I'm here. Now what do I do?
The Nameless Pigeon (with a white hat)
You sit back and wait for EVERYONE
TO TELL YOU WHY YOLKS ARE YELLOW!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!
I doubt anyone else has even noticed, but this has been annoying me for weeks. The hand of the clock on Countdown, when counting down, doesn't finish exactly in the middle of what would be the six o'clock mark. It always stops slightly off centre.
I have no idea why this annoys me so much, but it does. It spoils the whole show and puts me off my tea... and I NEED my Jaffa Cakes.
The Despotic Banana
Try concentrating on Carol's hair —
MUCH MORE DISTURBING, I FEEL
