The Mega-Zine Museum
October 2, 2001
UNEDUCATED SHAMPOO How come the DFS sale always ends on Sunday? Dunno. Weird that, innit?
THE GLAD SATSUMA The B*ckch*t people are dissing 'Zine! I say set Mavis on them! She wouldn't dirty her paws on the likes of those saddos.
KINDRED VENDETTA The world is not enough... so nick the moon as well! There's not a court in the land that would convict you.
TIPPOHAT
WOW! You live in Carrickfergus? Aaaaahhh! This surely is a revelation. Why, I hear you ask? Because I live in Larne, the boooring place you mentioned in your letter.
Oh my goodness, I may know you — the possibilities! I mean, we could unite and take over the world, or the bandstand thing in Larne.
Whaddaya reckon?
Hushabye Brightwig
Teletext —
BRINGING PEOPLE CLOSER TOGETHER
TALLY HO THERE!
I must mention the new Carling (or Cracking) ad. The first time I watched it, I thought it was so sweet.
I usually loathe crabs, but then he ate it... the poor legless thing! Get the joke? Carling, drunk, legless, ate his leg... no? I hear Parsley Possum laughing in the corner.
Anyone live near Watford? No? WLW stands for We Love Watford! I think I've cracked it there.
Ahoy! Maroon Baloon!
I think you ARE cracked...
WE LOVE WATFORD INDEED!
HATE THAT!
Don't all you 'Ziners hate it when you're walking along the street and your pals are behind you, and you turn around to speak to them but don't realise they've stopped, and you start speaking to the person next to you and it turns out to be an old lady?
I hate that!
Kilted Englishman
Me too, 'cos once you've started —
THAT'S YOU THERE FOR AN HOUR
WLW
You share your birthday with The Great Destroyer. Would you like to have a joint birthday party? We can have jelly and ice cream, cake, party games and we can sing songs. It'll be great.
We'll organise it all, you just show up at my house on November 1 at about 7pm. Everyone can have a little party bag which has all sorts of little goodies in.
Everyone's invited.
Frank The Potato
Well, as lovely as that all sounds
I'M JUST TOO DEPRESSED TO CELEBRATE
THE HAT'S TIPS No 2 — Writing Poetry
The most important thing to remember when writing a poem — make sure it makes absolutely no sense. Your poem will therefore instantly qualify as deep and meaningful.
For example:
If you go down to the woods tomorrow,
Bring me back several turnips,
And I will pay you, pay you,
Pay you several turnips.
The sky is dark. And large. So large.
Galder Weatherwax's Hat
Bravo! Bravo! More!
I, FOR ONE, WAS DEEPLY MOVED
HEROES
People I wish I was:
- Jim Davidson
- Fred Durst
- James Dean Bradfield
- Jeffrey Archer
- Brian Molko
- Bruce Forsyth
No, wait... did I say "was"? Oh dear.
Socialist Guerrilla
Oh dear indeed!
YOU NEED THERAPY... NOW!
OI, SHREKKY BOY!
WLW is not necessarily a woman. The Danny/Shrek quote was also in a letter in Private Eye, so he/she could have read it there.
Maybe WLW is actually Ian Hislop. Unless it was an original idea.
And even if WLW did get it from a girlie magazine, who's to say only women read those?
Another One?
Good point. Take Davord, for example.
I'VE SPOTTED J17 UNDER HIS BASKET
