Mega-Zine Museum: Letters

September 14, 2001

LE ENFANT TERRIBLE If all the world were a stage, where would the audience sit? You think too much.

BELFAST BOY I got my hand stuck in a Pringles carton yesterday. It took three aunts and two uncles to get it out. That wasn't concern, they were just after yer Pringles!

THE DESPOTIC BANANA Trendies are streetwise. That means they know what street they live on. Although that's not necessarily always the case!

WHY I LOVE MUD

I used to "bake" mud cakes in my garden and talk to the flowers.
It makes that heavenly squelchy sound.
It complements the flavour of grass.
It's the only thing in my garden that is brown and doesn't smell.

Let's take a moment to think about the joy that mud has given us through the years.

Ahoy! Maroon Baloon!

I've always been more of a

GRAVEL PERSON MYSELF

7 REALLY BAD THINGS

Brian Molko's voice
Brian Molko's band
Under-cooked potato wedges
Jim Davidson
Carlisle
A nameless person who threw my Leeds ticket in the bin. Lucky for them I found it
People who think Slipknot are the best band ever

Parsley Possum

Certainly Jim Davidson and Carlisle —

SURELY NO-ONE COULD DISAGREE THERE

MY SCRAGBOD

He's my cat and I believe he would make an excellent boyfriend for Mavis!

He's ginger (what sex appeal!) and has recently been mauled by a rabid canine! He smells a bit, has a miaow like an ambulance siren, enjoys long walks to the food bowl and drooling all over you in his sleep...

Awwww, come on, you've got to feel sorry for the little guy!

Broccoli The Evil One

Well, he sounds a catch for sure —

I'LL PUT IN A GOOD WORD!

BIG MISTAKE!

I'm starting to regret telling everyone that the 'Zine e-mail address is club140@teletext.co.uk, 'cos now 'Zine has been flooded with mail from newbies who seem to have taken my place!

I'm not on nearly as much as I used to be, even though I'm still sending in the same amount of letters!

I love being on 'Zine 'cos I have no life and when I see my name on Teletext, it makes me smile like a demented gopher!

Fluffy The Evil One

You have no life?

DOES BROCCOLI KNOW ABOUT THIS?

ED'S PAGE

I can't help noticing that B*ckch*tters get a boring, inane "Ed's Page", so I was just wondering if we 'Ziners could have one from you? It wouldn't be boring though! More wise words from you at WLW Towers... a tempting thought.

And The One With Little Significance — my (equally sad) school also has that biology book! You never know, we could go to the same school!

Toadette Of Toad Hall

I've nothing really interesting to say,

IT'S YOU GUYS THAT MAKE ME FUNNY!

WLW

What will happen when you leave your job or die? Will the 'Zine cease to exist? Or will WLW2 take over? Just thinking about it makes me feel dizzy.

I think that, for the sake of all 'Ziners everywhere, you should transplant your brain into the body of a giant turtle so you can live for another 100 years.

He Who Laughs Last...

I ain't going nowhere, matey!

"FAME, I'M GONNA LIVE FOREVER..."

MEGAZINE

I know that this is supposed to be a light-hearted page, but this is no time to laugh. The images of New York are the most terrible I've ever seen. The people jumping out of windows was the saddest thing I've ever witnessed.

I think I speak for everyone when I offer condolences to the families of all those who have died. I hope there is a Heaven where they can rest.

Bob Bob The Bob

I think you do speak for us all, Bob —

WHAT A SAD INDICTMENT OF MANKIND

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