The Mega-Zine Museum
September 10, 2001
SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT If television has taught me anything about pirates, it's that they tend to say "arr" a lot. And have parrots named Polly. Bizarre.
THE DIMGIRL FROM THE MOLEHOLE Yay, I helped an old lady today! And did she pretend she was deaf? I would've.
BOB BOB THE BOB Click, click, click. Can you guess what I'm impersonating? Sorry, it was a cricket. Really? I thought it was a mouse! Geddit? A mouse! Click, click... Please yourself.
HEY WLW!
Please show the letters from my mate "Uncle Sam's Distant Relative".
He may be mind-numbingly dull, a Sinatra fan and a keeper of Koi, but... he makes a mean chicken chow mein AND he is holding my teddy to ransom. And life without my little Joey has no meaning.
The Despotic Banana
I know not of whom you speak —
WHERE'S HE SENDING 'EM?
TO WHOEVER MENTIONED POB
Yeah, I remember Pob! He was wicked. The rebel of children's TV! He used to maliciously blow out the little rag-doll's candle at the end of the credits.
I also remember there being loads of kids' letters tied to a tree. I think.
I can't for the life of me remember what he looked like though, please enlighten me!
Peppermint Patty
I wish I could...
BUT I CAN'T
HEY, DRLOZBAKER
Another LTJ fan! It's amazing that everyone on the 'Zine seems to like the same brilliant music (with the exception of those Manics and Placebo fans, of course).
In honour of this, I would like to form a 'Zine society for the appreciation of Ben Folds Five.
Anyone?
Socialist Guerrilla
I think they're the Ben Folds One now!
BIT TOO LATE ON THIS OCCASION
HI-DE-HI
I am continuing my ruthless search to find the B*ckch*t impersonator.
The footprint I found in my flower bed turned out to be Dad's. It's not him.
I have fingerprinted the two-mile radius around WLW Towers, but all I was left with was a mess of undecipherable fingerprints.
I found a note on the pavement, just 100 metres from the Towers, but it looked like a shopping list.
The search continues...
The Man With The Golden Bun
While yer busy investigating, you could
SEARCH FOR THE ROWNTREE AS WELL!
OLD TV ADS
All this talk of old children's TV, but what of old commercials?
For instance, who remembers the Dime Bar ad with the armadillos? "Soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside!".
What a masterpiece of marketing that was. To this day, I still allow myself a laugh whenever I see one in the shops.
Insane Jam Sow
I remember my first Dime too —
I NICKED IT FROM A GUY NAMED WAYNE
HELLOOO EVERYONE
After many years of toil in the Garden of Tharg, I have entered retirement and Davord has finally allowed me to have contact with the outside world.
So, here I am in all my green-fingered glory, and the unfortunate lingering smell of The Great Compost Heap of Tharg.
I do autographs, pictures (form a line please) and my gardening advice programme is on Tuesdays on Channel 4.
ZoUK, Gardener of Tharg
Davord thanks you for years of service
BUT WANTS HIS SHEARS BACK
HMMMM...
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Please spare a penny
For a starving poet
Well, that explains one small mystery.
As for oxymorons, what about the Madonna album Music? Surely that's a contradiction in terms.
Milton and Me
I still think Steps' Greatest Hits
IS SLIGHTLY MORE OF AN OXYMORON
