The Mega-Zine Museum

August 16, 2001

THE CEREAL KILLER As I said before, I never repeat myself... And as I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate.

DARK GREY WOLF OF NORBEX Yay! The annoying disco man's playing Depeche Mode! Yay for the annoying disco man!

VANILLA That's it! If you don't start printing my letters, then I'll travel from Manchester to London and kidnap Mavis. Except I can't drive... so... bus timetable anyone? From Manchester? To kidnap Mavis? Bit extreme, no?

NOOOOOOOOOO!

My hair has been hijacked! I went to the barbers with my dad. My dad told me to go first.

This failed to raise my suspicions and, while I was seating myself in the chair, the barber was instructed to shave my hair off.

Now I resemble a Millwall fan. All that's needed is a few pints of lager and bovver boots.

The Despotic Banana

But very practical in hot weather...

AND SOME WOULD SAY A TAD SEXY

EGGBERT

To end the thingywhatsit about the best kids' TV programme... Button Moon.

It sounded like it was narrated by the guy from the Good Life, it made as much sense as the lyrics to an Idlewild song or an episode of Lexx, and it made my life complete when I was about four.

And where else would you find someone called Eggbert?

Milton (and me)

Davord's best mate is called Eggbert —

EGGBERT EVIL... I KID YOU NOT

WEIRD PHENOMENA

Have you ever wondered about all the weird stuff that happens in the world? Unexplained disappearances, strange lights in the sky, Sarah Michelle Gellar getting an SAG card?

It all boils down to one thing; our parents lied to us shamelessly. There are monsters under the bed, aliens do exist and, worst of all, there is a "casting couch".

My life is over...

Queen of Dragon Slayers

Weird goings on indeed. How else

DID ATOMIC KITTEN REACH NO 1 TWICE?

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY — PART II

• Put decaf in the coffee-maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
• In the memo field of your cheques, write "because I felt like it".
• Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Urban Hero

Walk backwards to school and say 'bye'

TO EVERYONE AS THEY ARRIVE

FIVE REASONS WHY SUMMER HOLIDAYS ARE OVERRATED

1. Friends all end up going on holiday at the same time.
2. You always bump into people from school you hoped you could avoid for six weeks.
3. Waiting for exam results.
4. Quality TV programming, eg: Ricki Lake, are removed to make way for "children's entertainment".
5. The annoying summer pop song which is played constantly everywhere.

Degen <3>

And ants. Everyhwere.

MILLIONS OF 'EM. ANTS, ANTS, ANTS!

OH, OH, ME, ME...

Lemming Curd

So that's contestant No 33

FROM BEDFORDSHIRE... LEMMING CURD

THE ONE WITH THE BIZARRE CONNECTION TO FLUFFY,

I know how they get the non-stick stuff to stick to the pan! The stuff is called Teflon. It contains both sticky and not-sticky atoms.

The sticky ones are heavier then the non-sticky ones so they sink to the bottom. So the sticky ones lie on the bottom, sticking the non-sticky ones to the pan.

Anyone understand that?!?

The Girl With No Shadow

No... sorry... lost me after

'TEFLON' BUT THANKS ANYWAY

Back

Next