The Mega-Zine Museum
August 9, 2001
SAVAGE CABBAGE Pink Mafia — how dare you complain about the Welsh accent? Welsh is a very beautiful langauge. It is? Blimey, who knew?
POLYTHENE If you run backwards long enough, will you bang into a dinosaur or a lamp-post? A policeman. Believe me, I know — I tried.
QUEEN OF THE TROUBLED TEENS Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. You are wise beyond your years, Queenie.
REASONS WHY I LOVE MAKING LISTS:
- They save time
- They are fun
- I enjoy writing them
- People can find out things easily
- I reveal my innermost in-depth feelings
Not much else really.
Yellow Jello
Lists are great. Lists are the future.
LISTS ARE... HEY, I'M MAKING A LIST!
'ZINERS
Is it just me or is the planet Pluto extremely underrated?
I mean, just because it's small, dark, cold and very far away, DOESN'T mean it should be forgotten now, does it?
Plutonian Princess
It is underrated, you're right.
EVEN THE NAME HAS COMEDY VALUE
HELLO PEOPLE
They say opposites attract, so if you want to be my 'Zine girlfriend then...
- You need to hate golden buns
- You need to be female
- You need to be ugly
- You need to be very unfunny
- You need to hate Mega-Zine
In fact, forget I ever sent this letter!
The Man With The Golden Bun
And you need to think I'm an idiot —
NO, WAIT, THAT CAME OUT WRONG
STOP EVERYTHING!
I've had a FANTASTICAL IDEA that will make us all as rich as... incredibly rich things! Edible clothes!!
Think about it. Instead of grabbing your jacket and going for lunch, you could just eat your jacket for lunch!
First thing tomorrow morning, I'm off to the patent office and if someone's beaten me to it, you'd better watch out 'cos you're the only one I've told!
Secluded Rainbow
It's all your idea, I won't pinch it.
(ER... WHERE IS THE PATENT OFFICE?)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
WLW, you can't possibly be a fan of Big Brother. Why does nobody see that it is monotonous, boring, infuriatingly cheap television, with talentless idiots playing up for the camera? Someone must agree that we should boycott this inane drivel at once.
And if this is printed, when you make a comment at the bottom, can you say something nice because you always say something condescending after my letters!
Misfit, The Evil One
Just sit down and take deep breaths.
IT'S OVER NOW, IT'S FINISHED, OK?
TIME
Ever noticed how musicians beat time, people with absolutely nothing to do kill time, and just about everyone else wastes time? Is this really appropriate treatment of our fourth dimension?
You may take it for granted now, but I assure you, one day, time will start to resent this treatment and emigrate. Then what will you do, eh?
I would like all 'Ziners to set up support groups for injured, tired time. Start healing the wounds that society has inflicted.
Potassium Sulphate
Time is like a clock of the heart —
APPARENTLY. SO BOY GEORGE TELLS ME
TEACHERS
Everyone seems to have had really evil teachers... but I had the best teacher ever! Richey Edwards taught me chemistry! I'm so sure of it. He used to talk to us about the Manics, eating disorders and obscure Japanese art.
Once we asked a simple chemistry-related question and he didn't know the answer! As well as this, he had Richey's hands and eyes and only ever rolled his right sleeve up.
Miss World
That's nothing, the Pope taught me RE!
OK, THAT'S A LIE... SORRY
