The Mega-Zine Museum

August 3—4, 2001

SUPERHAPPYCAT I like sending pointless e-mails. I'm sad. I need a life. And I answer them. I need a life, too.

SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT Venting anger in 5... 4... 3... 2... Aaarrrgh! Come on now, deep breaths... go to your happy place. (In my case, that's Highbury.)

THE VOICES IN CYRIL'S HEAD If bananas were orange, would that mean I could fly? Well, after extensive research and several bananas, I am pleased to say I have absolutely no idea.

'ZINERS

I have had yet another great idea! How about using 'Zine to revive that most entertaining of games, Jackanory!

Using 'Ziners as characters, we could each take it in turn to create a masterpeice. I will start:

Slowly WLW wound down the car window and took aim at the shadowy figure across the street. It was actually Socialist Guerilla, who was as yet ignorant of his fate...

OVER TO YOU!

The Despotic Banana

Surely we're not gonna kill off

A 'ZINER RIGHT AT THE START?

PEDANTIC 1

How could you? Lemons rock! I should know: I am one.

Reasons Why I Love Lemons:

1. They are yellow
2. They taste zingy
3. You can make lemonade with them
4. I'm a lemon and I obviously love myself
5. They're lemons, OK?

The 12th Lemon

I think number 5 is a little... well...

"IFFY", TO SAY THE LEAST

I WORK IN THE STRANGEST PLACE

My boss wanders around in slippers whistling Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree in the middle of July... does everyone experience this?

Mind you, yesterday he was singing Love Me Tender and dancing with a big spoon...

I like it there, though!

Broccoli The Evil One

Where is this place of which you speak?

SOUNDS LIKE WLW TOWERS, 1ST FLOOR

'ZINERS

Are there any 'Ziners who would like to come and stalk the wonderful Jerry who works in HMV in Argyle Street?

Its just that the security guards give me funny looks because I'm there every day, but if I'm with people, I don't look too suspicious!

Meet me outside HMV at 4pm!

The Crazy Chick Who Stalks Sheep

'So this Jerry —

HE'S A SHEEP, RIGHT?

TOP 10 BEST THINGS:

• OTF
• Cheese on Toast
• Champ Man
• The Internet
• Mint Aero
• Chilli Sauce
• Football
• Lemon Fanta
• Water
• Oxygen

Ginge

Yes — lemon Fanta!

IT IS THE BEST DRINK!

WHAT IF...

What would we all do tomorrow if we switched on Teletext, page 142, and 'Zine wasn't there? If it ceased to exist? No more WLW, no more... well... anything.

Think about it. What would you do? Where would you go?

I'm upsetting myself now... I should really stop.

Her Who Has Faith No More

I guess we'd all get lives but, like,

HOW DULL WOULD IT BE?

HOW TO ANNOY YOUR ROOM-MATE Part 1:

1. Learn to levitate. While your room-mate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
2. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
3. Fake a heart attack. When your room-mate calls the paramedics, pretend nothing happened.
4. Smile. All the time.

The Frog Who Always Says Yes

Look out for part two, kids —

I'VE SEEN 'EM... VERY AMUSING

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