The Mega-Zine Museum
May 25—26, 2001
BOB BOB THE BOB I wrote a letter to page 146. It didn't work, I still have no friends. You have me. That's all you need.
SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT I am the weakest link, goodbye! Walk of shame for you.
WHISKEY BUTCHER People in glass houses — are a window cleaner's dream. And gather no moss apparently. Or something like that.
BADMINTON AND BORNEO
I have just completed a 24-hour sponsored badminton marathon to help fund my place on a trip to Borneo.
I wanted to totally destroy a racket at the end, but wasn't allowed to as they're school property.
Sir Whence Pitchfork
Borneo? Is this a school trip? Blimey —
IN MY DAY IT WAS BUTLINS, MINEHEAD!
OH DEAR
I cannot express my anger enough for whoever wrote in complaining that to be different, we should wear Adidas and listen to Craig David.
Do they have any idea?
Bongo Pants
I don't know which is worse —
THE ADIDAS OR CRAIG DAVID
PSYCHIC FISH
If 'Ziners were the psychic fish that lived in the river:
WLW — The one that keeps getting caught
Broccoli — The one that really is psychic
Fluffy — The one that jumps and does tricks
The Man with the Golden Bun — The one that runs the psychic hotline
Miss World
Psychic fish?
WHATEVER NEXT
'ZINERS
Guess what! That's right — the answer is what! OK, enough of these childish mind games.
I looked up the words "parsley possum" on a well-known search engine and guess what I got — 149 recipes saying that if you cook possum, and use parsley, it tastes like spam.
That's gotta mean something!
The Hoopiest Frood
It does. It means you have
TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS
GUIDE TO LIFE: PART ONE
For all you Linkin Park and L**p B****t fans out there, a short guide to being a real grunger:
- Be individual. Don't try to dress like your friends.
- Be individual. Don't try to dress like your friends.
- Be indi....... oh, did I already say that?
- Get over Slipknot. They are nearly as bad as your identikit haircuts.
Socialist Guerilla
Get over Slipknot, full stop.
HAIRCUT OR NO HAIRCUT
SPIDERS
I once heard on the Big Breakfast that you eat six spiders a year in your sleep!
This has been freaking me out and I've lost a lot of sleep trying to make sure I don't drift off with my mouth open. I hear they can crawl in your ears too!
This is just too scary, so now I don't sleep. I've gone slightly off-key, but surely that's better than big hairy spiders making cobwebs in your ears?
Ratchild
As someone terrified of spiders,
THIS AIN'T THE BEST NEWS, LOVE!
IS IT REALLY SO BAD...
...to act really boring and distant to someone you are going out with in the hope that they will dump you (so you don't have to dump them) and you won't look like the bad guy?
Not that I would do anything like that! No way!
What do you think?
Skinned Celebrity
'Fraid to say I agree.
I'VE TRIED THAT TACTIC IN THE PAST!
