The Mega-Zine Museum
January 2, 2001
NEGATIVE CREEP I'm bored of being bored. What is there to believe in? Father Christmas and Jim Royle.
THE GRIM FREAKER Always remember you're unique — just like everyone else. But then you wouldn't be... oh right, I see, yes — very good.
MS. MISS My favourite pastime is juggling chainsaws. It gives me a great buzz. But, of course, we at WLW Towers do not recommend this highly dangerous and, frankly, daft practice!
THE MEANING OF LIFE
Don't you all see? The meaning of life IS to find the meaning of life.
Here it is: you are all pondering over the meaning of life, so you are all literally trying to figure out what the meaning of life is... which results in finding the meaning of life.
Ha! Bet you all feel a bit dim now!
Telescope the Vail in Brum
Well, I would if I had ANY idea
WHAT YOU WERE TALKING 'BOUT!
'ZINERS
A couple of things have been troubling me to the brink of insanity:
- If there was a stupid contest, would it be the person who comes first or last who's the stupidest?
- Is it actually possible to fully swallow and digest yourself?
Voice Of The Voiceless
I'd say last. If you're too stupid to
WIN A STUPID CONTEST... YER STUPID!
TOAST
Toast only lands butter side down, it is a well-known fact of life. An easy way to beat this is to not butter the toast at all. Now, when the toast falls, it won't know which side to land on and so won't land at all.
Congratulations, you have just made levitating toast.
She Who Lost The Plot
Crikey, you're right! I tried it and
MY TOAST IS HOVERING AS WE SPEAK!
COMEDY CHRISTMAS MOMENT
While languishing in a bus queue, I was startled by a small (but noisy) child, who started bellowing:
"Dad's not feeling very perky, fa la la la la, la la la la. That's because he's full of turkey, fa la la la la, la la la la."
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the official version.
Sweet Sister Of Night
It's not? Oh dear, no wonder I got
FUNNY LOOKS IN CHURCH LAST WEEK
RELIGION: AN ANALOGY
To call atheism a religion is to call bald a hairstyle. However, I choose to be bald as I have yet to find a hairstyle that looks good on me.
Besides which, I don't believe in hair!
Creature Of The Wheel
Bald is beautiful as they say —
THOUGH WILLIAM HAGUE... HMMMMMM
WLW IS CLEARLY MALE
He is far too sarcastic, self-deprecating and facetious to possibly be female. He is also not nearly neurotic enough to be female.
He is an Arsenal supporter. Women do not typically like football so the "cats, chocolate, Westlife" gender stereotype theory goes out the window.
Parsley Possum
Not 'neurotic enough to be female'?
OH DEAR, HATE MAIL CITY
DARK GREY WOLF OF NORBEX
I read that you come from Nottingham — so do I! We must meet up some time.
I know, it was really sad about Rock City's roof being blown off. How likely was that to happen? Well, considering that place, pretty likely. It's falling apart but it's the only place that actually rocks!
I hope you're bearing up well under the circumstances.
Polgara
My nan's garage is free for gigs —
SHE LIVES IN BEESTON, ANY GOOD?
