The Mega-Zine Museum

November 22, 2000

SERGEANT DEATHPORN Pot Noodle Sweet and Sour — is it sweet, sour or poison? All three mate, all three.

SAPPHISTICATION My scally sister's holy trinity are Arsenal, Adidas and a1. WLW — give up the Gunners before you end up like her! Never! I'll be 'the same old brand-new me' forever, y'hear?

THE BUCKET OF HAPPY LARD Bless me, WLW, for I have sinned. I tapped my foot to the beat of... a Westlife song! Before you condemn me, it was my aunt's 50th! Their songs have a beat?

DEAR WLW, DAVORD AND FELLOW 'ZINERS

I've been thinking. I think the world needs an extra day. We could call it Chocolate Day or something, the name is not important.

All we have to do is slow down the world's circulation, so if we all walk backwards, we could get enough speed to slow the world, and then there'd be an extra day off work or school.

What do you think?

The Reincarnated Squirrel Eater

I'm not sure I follow you...

AND I READ THIS THREE TIMES!

CHEESY FOETUS

Once again, you are wrong! The meaning of life is not to find the meaning of life, but to search for the meaning of life!

Sounds mad, but listen to my theory: anything that takes more than 10 seconds to work out isn't worth the hassle. Does that make it clearer?

Anyway, I have to go. This little red thing on my left shoulder is telling me to burn stuff.

Dusty Old Straw Mat

True. I worked out Girl Thing...

THAT TOOK 12 SECONDS, NOT WORTH IT!

WLW AND ICKLE 'ZINEY POPS

I have come to a conclusion. You may thank me later. The 'Zine theme tune HAS to be 'Not The Doctor' by Alanis Morrissette.

Think about the lyrics — 'I don't want to be your idol, see this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights'. Story of my life, really.

And WLW — Kelly Jones is not married. He told me when he popped round for coffee and pilchards.

Portabubble Joan

Coffee and pilchards?

YOU KNOW HOW TO KEEP A GUY SWEET

OK WLW — YOU WANT POLICIES?

Firstly, I think all wax crayons should be black — no yellow, orange, pink or red — only black.

Secondly, I think there should be 'Zine conventions where all 'Ziners can meet up and egg the most unpopular, which at the moment would appear to be poor li'l Plughole.

And finally, every weekend across the country, there should be a club which entices townies with the promise of alcohol. Then unleash the arachnids!

Furry Muppet

So, the 'Zine 2000 Convention —

WHO'S GOT A BIG GARDEN? AND A TENT?

EVERYONE ELSE HAS HAD A GO ETC...

Lonely Pine from the Forest of Misery

The chocolate and cats stuff — deffo,

NOT SURE I WANT THE ENGLAND JOB

'ZINERS

Aaaaahhh, that's more like it. Somebody mentions Depeche Mode on these blessed pages. I feared all traces of DM fanhood had disappeared off the face of the earth. Thank you sooooooo much, Black Emerald, for reassuring me.

Only when I lost myself in their awesome music do I find myself — in fact, between us, I wouldn't mind losing myself with Dave Gahan!

Rock—Diva

For as long as I have breath and power,

DM WILL NEVER DISAPPEAR!

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