The Mega-Zine Museum
October 16, 2000
CAT5187 Raw ability, removed of self-doubt, is the key to achievement. And knowing the right people helps!
MS JANE LANE WLW — I love your style, sweetie, and I want to sign you up so you can float with the high flyers. You're hilarious. Tell me, who writes your material? You think somebody actually sits down and gives this stuff some thought?
MOZZ THE PILCHARD BREEDER Why don't you screen my e-mails? I mention pilchards! Answered yer own question there, Mozza.
'ZINERS
After months of searching (all right, five minutes), I've found my buddy Sky Warrior! I found him in the back of the freezer, where I put him for safety.
I also found a weapon inscribed with the words "This weapon shall bring about the destruction of all trendies". But I'm not sure what that's for, so I put it back in the freezer.
Silva Dragun, SROTK
You wanna get it out again, love...
YOU COULD FLOG IT FOR A TIDY SUM
'ZINERS
I recently went shopping and three townies started chanting at me. Then this bloke shouted "Weirdo" in my face. And this little girl walked past me, staring, and ran off shouting "Mummy, look, look", while pointing at me.
On the school bus, trendies write "They are gay" on the window and draw an arrow pointing at me and my friends. Do they really think that is an insult?
Demonic Echidna
There are some right saddos around,
AND YOU MET 'EM ALL IN ONE DAY!
EVERYONE
In my search for eternal life, I have discovered a few other things:
- I can play the guitar.
- My mother is actually a three-legged donkey from Kansas.
- I don't like sitting on a bed of nails for more than 72 hours.
But I still haven't found it! I've checked under the couch, in my wardrobe and even... my little brother's room!
Sinsanity
It's like the remote control...
I MEAN, WHERE DOES THAT GO?
'ZINERS
As the probability of any event happening is one, given infinite time, I can die happy in the knowledge that an orange squirrel will dance on my grave, wearing a poncho.
However, I am worried about the prospect of being reincarnated in Croydon on the roof of McDonald's, asking passersby for the hat of a leprechaun — in French.
Parsley Possum
Yes, I would be worried too...
CROYDON JUST ISN'T FUNNY
I'VE FIGURED YOU OUT
You took me for a fool, messed all up inside
You played by your own rules, wouldn't let me decide
You changed me into someone I didn't want to be
But love is blind and I couldn't see.
Portabubble Joan
PS: Hail the return of Jon The Postman!
Controversial, self-opinionated,
BUT NEVER DULL... THAT'S OUR JON!
CONTRADICTION
I came to meet the morning moon,
which rises in the afternoon,
but then the verdant desert sows,
the seeds of life which never grow.
The burned-out star which still shines bright,
the warming sun in the dead of night,
colliding planets that never touch,
an empty mind that knows too much.
Dreamer
Right old poets' corner today...
YOU MAKE THIS UP? IT'S JOLLY GOOD
