Mega-Zine
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July 17, 1999

NINJA HAMSTER Drowning in her chlorine eyes. I have no need to breathe. Bit smelly though.

TINKERBELL THE BUFFALO FAIRY One of my friends has a monkey that does the Macarena. I had a sea monkey that did absolutely nothing — except die!

HALLUCINOGENIC HIT MAN Has anyone seen my purple and maroon swing bin? Guess not. Purple and maroon, that is like sooooo yesterday.

 

WATCH OUT!

Has anyone heard the myth of the compulsive liar? It's true! I met one myself. They disguise themselves as normal, everyday people, but underneath they are evil people whose goal in life is to lie at every opportunity.

An experienced complusive liar can fabricate such good lies that before you know it, you could be standing in the middle of London with a top hat and a duck!

Be careful, they're waiting...

The Me

I took my duck for tea at the Ritz,

BUT HE WAS TURNED AWAY - NO TIE!

 

WHAT REALLY GETS ON MY NERVES ARE... SOUTHERNERS

By 'eck, I wouldn't touch a southerner with a barge pole! Greedy, thieving little swines. That's what they are.

Why do you think the British Mecca, the Post Office Headquarters, is up here in the North? To keep it away from you filthy southerners! All the best people come from Scotland, Wales and the North.

We should build a wall to keep you dirty southerners out!

Jon the Postman

How's that diplomacy degree you're

STUDYING FOR COMING ALONG EH?

 

Dear WLW,

I am getting SLIGHTLY annoyed by the fact that I am paying 26p (Yes, a whole 26p) to send you letters which are not reaching the fame they deserve!

You obviously never read them either — there was a £20 cheque in the last one I sent.

Dark Vampyre

PS: If this letter does not appear on megazine, I will sacrifice you to the great master.

Ha! Disproved your theory! Thanks

FOR THE £20. I BOUGHT A NICE SHIRT!

 

REASONS FOR DISLIKING MY BROTHER

  1. He eats with his mouth open.
  2. He doesn't flush the loo (there's no excuse — he's tall enough now).
  3. He bottom burps on cue — ALL the time.
  4. He's kindly dedicated himself to teasing/torturing/annoying me.

Oh well, blood's thicker than water. Did I mention his body bleeds water?

Blonde but not dumb

Blood's thicker than water?

HAVE YOU SEEN THE THAMES RECENTLY?!