The Mega-Zine Museum
October 11, 1998
EAU ROUGE A quote for all English students who haven't done an essay: "Authors write books to be read, not discussed". Discuss.
IMPERIAL SALAMI The purpose of life is to overcome every obstacle, achieve every goal and fulfil every dream. I know, I read it on the back of a matchbox. No no no. The meaning of life is average contents 40.
MKIIJL'S MINION I'm fed up of Ian Wright scoring against Sheffield Wednesday. Why just him?
GREETINGS, MORTALS,
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
Too many people have referred to Celine Dion as an ear-piercing, glass shattering warbler. So I am now defending Celine's honour.
From now, on any insults to Celine (may she live forever) will be met with severe, probably lethal, force.
Got that?
Master.
I've nothing against her personally.
I just wish she wouldn't sing.
DEAR WHITE LINE WARRIOR,
Why do I call you "dear"? I have never met you and you are not dear to me.
You are not dear (expensive) and you are not a deer (animal). Also, you are not dear (sweet and kind).
Why? Why? Why?
From a dear friend. Sorry - from a deer friend.
Bambi.
Cheap and mean am I? So what, I laughed
when the hunters got your mum.
HEAD 'EM UP, MOOOOOOVE 'EM OUT,
I hate school. I want to be free and roam the great plains. Just me and my hoss. I want to sleep under the stars every night, sprawled in the fragrant purple sage.
I want to shoot bad guys and tap off with Grace Kelly. Or Doris Day. Or even Mae West. She'd make a man of me. Given the choice it'd be Lina Heady, but anyone would do, really.
The only thing I have in common with a cowboy is that I'm lonely as sin. I want to ride off into the sunset.
Wild Bill Hiccup.
Chin up, Bill.
Even cowboys get the blues.
