The Mega-Zine Museum

November 16, 1996

TWIG THE WONDER KID challenges us to find a Tom and Jerry cartoon that isn't backed by classical music.

THE RAVENOUS ROLO hankers after the days of AFKA Gonzo, Joyrider, Adonis, Savo etc. The 'Zine is a microcosm of life: nothing ever stays the same.

RAINBOW TROUT has tried to bribe me into electing her Zine Writer of the Year by sending me an early Xmas card. I've seen through your evil plot.

DEAR 'ZINE

As this is my debut I thought I'd tell you about the worst week of my life.

I wrote this on Thursday so I don't know what catastrophe will face me on Friday.

Sukerpunch, sitting at home

Just don't tempt fate

MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE TO EAT FISH

LOO REVIEW by LOVELY SCORCHIO! PIZZA

Channel Tunnel
No loo paper, soap stinks, difficult flushing system, long queue, free.
Flush rating: ½ (out of 5)

Halfway down A3
Pretty loo paper, clean, easy flush, hygienic hand-dryer, nice smell of pot pourri.
Flush rating: 4½

German restaurant
OK, but a man outside expects a tip.
Flush rating: 0

A POEM BY ME

I was gonna send you my poems
but I think I'll just make one up.
It's got no particular direction,
it's probably gonna suck.

I'll try to keep it short
but don't hold your breath.
Sometimes I can't stop writing
when ideas come into my head.

It's one o'clock in the morning,
I write best at this time,
I'll make this the last stanza,

Spy Tim

Sorry. Couldn't fit in last five lines.

IT WAS BALLY BORING ANYWAY.

DEAR WHITE LINE WARRIOR

I see Satan's fave sons Robson and Jerome are back at No1. I think it's time we asked ourselves the following questions:

• WHO is buying the records?
• WHY are they doing it? Are they forced?
• HOW can we make them stop?

The careful answering of these questions could prevent such a tragedy from happening again.

Druid Babysitter

DEAR GOLD DUST WOMAN AND HER SISTER

I love Metallica too. But my sister is into Backstreet Boys, Peter Andre, 3T.

Perhaps you could sprinkle some of your gold dust on her?

Lars Ulrich's drumsticks

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