Mega-Zine
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April 21, 1996

LITTLE MISS FROGSTOMP wrote to us on headed paper belonging to a hotel in Lancashire she'd never been to. So where did she get it from? Spooky!

THE ESTRANGED SHOE says Take That should never have started, never mind spilt up. Touchy, aren't we?

BERNARD THE EXPLODING MONGOOSE went exploring and discovered worms and maggots aren't alike. Wow (yawn)!

YELLOW DAFFODIL is beginning to wilt in the sun - she sent us this silly chain

letter saying Mega-Zine is brill and

EVERYONE MUST SEND IT ON TO OTHERS!

 

DEAR ANNE RICE'S PRODIGY

  • I think you need to visit a funny farm or at least see a psychologist.
  • Get it into your head that vampires don't exist.
  • You're not fiends of the night. The fact is you couldn't even scare a chicken.
  • Nobody calls me Gonzo.

Artist formerly known as Gonzo

Drawing of Gonzo's shocked face.

An impression of Gonzo after his first

SHOCKING ENCOUNTER WITH ANNE RICE!!

 

DEAR 'ZINE

I must protest! Why do some English people seem to deny the existence of of Wales, Scotland and Ireland.

In the Going for Gold piece written by The 'Tache, he said contestants only came from England. Then why do they bother showing a map of Britain in gold at the start of the programme?

I'm English myself but I've been honoured to live in Wales for 5 years.

Lexy

 

DEAR 'ZINE

How dare you use my name in vain?! Telling Pod Hull's brother that asking for Cambridge to become a football power is like asking for the moon on a stick is totally ludicrous. I'm way above football and all human sports.

And besides if you were going to use my name, at least use capitals. In future I want the respect that I deserve. If I don't get it, you'll be hearing from my people. You have been notified.

the moon on a stick

And we're notifying you that maybe your

NAME DOESN'T DESERVE CAPITALS!

 

URGENT WARNING 'ZINE

I have kidnapped Savo and here are my ransom demands:

  1. Every single one of my letters printed on 'Zine.
  2. Two packets of Jellybeans and a packet of Fruit Pastilles.

If my demands aren't met within 24 hours, I will be forced to kidnap the yellow blob in the corner.

The Polo Mint with the Hole

You're bluffing. Touch our blob and

YOU'LL BE A MINT WITH MANY HOLES!

 

A PRACTICAL JOKE (NOT)

Go into someone's house and smash up their belongings with something surreal like a mountain. After they've finished shouting, tell them it was a joke. They will hopefully soon forget about it.

Iron Lion