Mega-Zine
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March 27, 1996

VALLEY GIRL was thinking she was a lone yellow shark until she saw Man from Utopia. Now they hunt in pairs!

PURPLE FISH rambled on about how to put a poster on the ceiling. It's amazing the lengths fish go to sometimes.

CAESAR THE GEEZER'S SOCKS has shocking revelations about his school. But we won't bore you by printing them.

THE GIRL WHO SMELLS OF COMPOST wants an end to all this vampire lark. It just boils her blood!

Cheer up 'Zinesters, it's nearly

FUNNY BUNNY CHOCOLATE EASTER TIME!

 

STRANGE SOAP THINGS

  • Did Take That split up so Gary Barlow could resume his role as Tugg in Home and Away?
  • Why doesn't Jack Duckworth get a new pair of glasses now that he is 25,000 richer?
  • Have Cindy Beale's children been abducted by aliens? And did Ethel's Willie really die or is it another case of alien abduction?

Jack's Optical Appliance Plaster

 

DEAR 'ZINE

I encounter some seriously dodgy characters at work in the supermarket.

For instance, a bloke placed his goods on the check-out and said: "I like lemonade. Have you ever tried drinking it?! Like no, I use it for car petrol!

Yours hopefully, Mia Wallace

* Years of writing to Jim'll Fix It means this is the only way I can sign off my letters

Didn't you realise it was Jimmy asking

YOU THAT NAFF QUESTION?!

 

MUMS LIKING BLUR AND OASIS

Why is there such a stereo-typical attitude towards mums and music? You seem to think they're all old and sad.

There's nothing amazing about mums liking bands. It's not as though these bands are aimed at teenyboppers like Boyzone are. Blur and Oasis want to be liked by more than screaming 12-year-olds.

The Girl with the X-Ray Eyes

PS. My mum likes Blur, so there!

 

DEAR 'ZINE

Excuse me Anne Rice's Prophet and Khayman, no matter how much I dislike Lestat he is not who he says he is.

Don't you realise that everyone else on 'Zine is someone else? Savo isn't really Savo Milosevic and The Joyrider really isn't a dangerous car thief.

But I am me!

Artist formerly known as Gonzo

Does this mean you're special as the

MOST UNPOPULAR 'ZINESTER?!

 

DEAR 'ZINE

I presume whoever put the Oscar results on Teletext had, like me, watched the whole thing. Naff, wasn't it?

Nearly everyone in Hollywood has egos bigger than their pay cheques. The Oscars prove this.

I regret getting up to watch them now - four hours' sleep lost just so I could watch loads of movie stars show how many teeth they have.

Randall the Clerk

You've lost your Sense and Sensibility

YOU TRAINSPOTTER!