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February 5, 1996

LIAM PERRIN says Iron Lion Antelope has a part-time job cleaning his bathroom for 20p an hour.

PELICAN THUNDER HEAD reckons Bill Clinton will save the universe again, in 1996.

PAMPHLETT & THE RECORD CONTRACT says to identify yourself as a Zinester, wear your pants on your head.

AL-A SHARK IN BLOOD'S WATER remembers the good ol' days when no-one wrote boring poems on Zine.

 

DEAR 'ZINE

My alien friend and I have been on your planet for the last three days.

In London, we visited Piccadilly Circus and saw no clowns. And Big Bob, it was just a bell. We were outraged!

The moral of our visit is never to mix fruit pastels with houmous.

Intergalactic Cloud & Man-Eating Flower Bed, on tour

 

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES

  1. How Take That got to No 1.
  2. Oasis bog roll. Why?
  3. Why people write into the 'Zine.
  4. What's happened to Savo?
  5. Why are CDs so expensive?
  6. Why Blur's Girls & Boys wasn't No 1.

Mobila

What's this about Oasis bog roll?

SOMETHING SMELLS!

 

DEAR LESTAT

Nice to hear from you. I wondered what happened to you after all these years.

I take it you're well. Last time we met you were a little worse for wear.

What's this about you choosing custard over blood? Have to say I prefer apple juice myself.

And I agree that Jarvis' index fingers are an important issue. It's about time something was said!

Take care and avoid any video cameras.

Louis

 

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

  1. Ate a daydream?
  2. Laughed at a bicycle?
  3. Joined a presidential election?
  4. Insulted Tath and Bob?
  5. Horrified a % sign?
  6. Made your face purple?
  7. Shrivelled up a cucumber?
  8. Ran into a roundabout?
  1. Refused to allow the number nine in a top 10 for personal reasons?

Iron Lion Antelope

 

DEAR 'ZINE

Reality may have its downside, but I'm glad of the privacy when I see a number of silly people swanning around the TV universe.

Bob Hoskins and Al from Quantum Leap are bad enough, but now it seems bath times aren't even safe from the prying eyes of a spectral elephant.

Cheers X-Files!

Surly Hermit

Dearie me, cleaning yourself can be

SUCH A JUNGLE EXPERIENCE!