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August 1, 1995

TATH AND BOB Marking the "hilarious" piece you sent us on snooker on your suggested scale of 137-562.37, it got 0.

KATE COBAIN has just seen REM in Huddersfield - is there anywhere this girl hasn't been? We doubt it.

UNUS, due to his imminent trip to Uni, has just celebrated a birthday by getting gifts like frying pans. Useful.

SKINT BOY has a message for any lottery winners out there: "Do you want a best friend? If not, lend me a fiver!"

Last Thursday's EastEnders was the best

SAYS ALBERT SQUARE - WE AGREE!

 

FILM REVIEW - JUDGE DREDD

Stallone is great as the futuristic lawman battling evil Rico to clear his name of a murder he didn't commit.

The special effects are good, but not totally outstanding, although the fast-paced storyline and superb acting make up for this - especially Max Von Sydow.

I've seen it twice now! Better than Batman Forever.

David O'Connor, South Yorkshire

So refreshing to see a real name!

AS FOR JD - I'D GIVE IT 2/10

 

MY MUM'S TOP TEN

  1. Neon Lights - Kraftwerk
  2. Ra Ra Rasputin - Boney M
  3. Waterloo - Abba
  4. Something Tells Me - Cilla Black
  5. Stardust - David Essex
  6. All I Ever Need Is You - Sonny/Cher
  7. Sing - Carpenters
  8. 'Y Viva Espana - Sylvia
  9. All Kinds Of Everything - Dana
  10. Slide Away - Oasis

Muppet - Oasis alongside Abba? HAHAHAHA

 

EX-GIRLFRIEND REVIEW

Good looking, a bit plump but not so's you'd notice, long legs and a good laugh when she was by herself.

However, put her with her mates and she became a different person, constantly out to show how "in control" of me she was. The thing is, she wasn't.

She learned that when I took back all the presents I gave her and chucked her back where I found her.

Bitter Shandy

Be proud you told her where to go!

TWO-FACED PEOPLE GET MY GOAT

 

LIES YOUR PARENTS TOLD YOU

  1. Santa Claus
  2. Babies are delivered by storks
  3. You'll grow when you're older
  4. Not the winning/The taking part
  5. The Easter Bunny
  6. You'll grow out of your spots
  7. You'll get over her
  8. We never stayed out late when we were your age
  9. You get out of life what you put in

The Welsh Wit, Cardiff

The only true one is number 7

AND NUMBER 1 OF COURSE... ISN'T IT?

 

PROGRAMMES THAT SHOULD BE ON TV NOW

  1. Mr Men and Little Misses
  2. Pole Position
  3. The original He-Man
  4. Ewoks
  5. Droids (C3PO and R2D2)
  6. Kissy Fur
  7. Moon Dial
  8. Tom's Midnight Garden
  9. Bag Puss
  10. Ulysses

Little Misses Sunshine and Trouble