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June 18, 1995

REVOL SMAIL & NEDIAM SKRAM are now formally introduced to you lot. Wow.

WHY do all female pensioners have short permed grey/blue hair? asks Nitemare Hippy Girl. So we are jealous dummy.

WELL DONE to all those who have managed to survive their Highers - PAARRTTYY!!

THE EARTH looks great from here says The Moon. Not so good from where I'm sitting buddy. Nevermind, to quote.

TOMMY GUN wins most worrying name.

A bird in the hand is good for

TORTURING - CAT SAYING BY SPLAT

 

DEAR TREE GIRL

Those Forest Gump lines that are puzzling you don't actually mean anything at all.

They were placed in the film to make the average American think they were watching something deep and meaningful.

This shallow, manipulative hype won six Oscars, Pulp Fiction won one - go figure!

Pensive Guy, Asleep in perfect Blue Buildings.

Yeah, but if it hadn't won we would

HAVE MISSED THE HANKSTERS SPEECH!

 

TOP 5 REASONS FOR HAVING A BEARD

  1. You can wash the car with it on special occasions
  2. You can tie one end to a tree, resulting in an attractive "Head Hammock"
  3. No need to wear pants ever again
  4. Makes a great sledge
  5. Acts as rope for lasooing saucy sirs

Knickers and Bras, In Ned's plimsole.

 

THE SCOOBY-DOO DILEMMA

Shaggy is this really thin guy and yet he puts away all the food. I have a theory as to how he does it.

  1. Cartoon food has no nutritional value at all
  2. Shaggy has tapeworm
  3. Shaggy is an alien and the stuff comes out of his ears

And Shaggy is a well suspect name by the way. Not ideal for children.

Splat Meringue.

Splat is to start a reign of terror

WITH A BALLOON ON A STICK

 

SMITHS/MORRISSEY DEDICATIONS

  1. You've got everything now - NKOTB to Take That
  2. Heaven knows I'm miserable now - Graham Taylor
  3. Last night I dreamt somebody loved me - John Major
  4. Stop me if you think you've heard this one before - 2 Unlimited
  5. Bigmouth strikes again - Fresh Prince of Luton

This charming Man.

 

TV REVIEW - WATCH THIS SPACE

This suffers fron The Wordism - it's so tacky it's cool.

Talented Tamara, Bimbo Emma, Spotty Neil and Ill Dan present this show.

Short interviews, teenyboppers with himbos and Brownstone's disappearance, topped by a stupid quiz with a 2-second delay that no-one spotted.

Then ending with rude callers, lost comps and the set collapsing.

Classic. All this and Pulp.

Slick Ric.

And it is on too damn early in the day

WLW NEEDS A LOT OF SLEEP, REALLY