The Mega-Zine Museum

October 10, 2005

DADDYPOOS Did you know that at the Battle of Hastings King Harold said: "Be careful with that bow and arrow, you'll have somebody's eye out." I see.

SHATTERED SANITY I think the 'Zine band should be called "Headdesk!". Or Blur... oh, wait... Saltybabes?

PAGE TWO-ISMS

VIGILANTE MAELSTROM "You say it best, when you say nothing at all." Translation: "Shut up." But Ronan's soo nice..!

GROOVI CARROT What do you get when a sheep lives next to a horse? A nay-baa! Everybody needs good nay-baas.

KOMBUTCHA MUSHROOM PERSON Did you know that for every 100g of tomato ketchup, 126g of tomatoes are used? Fascinating, eh? Splat.

Ooh, new feature...

MY VEG OF THE WEEK: THE PARSNIP

1ST BIANNUAL 'ZINE AWARDS

The competition has been tight so commiserations to those who didn't win.

• AWARD FOR SERVICES TO THE COMMUNITY: Aphra for the infiltration of B*ckch*t.
• AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION: Smashed Strawberry - 12 years!
• BEST COUPLE: Junior Minister and Fluffy the Bald Mouse.
• MOST PRINTED 'ZINER: Norman Radcliffe. I can't look at the TV screen without seeing your name.

Enchanted Rose

I will preside over the awards next

YEAR AND HAND OUT POSH SCROLLS, OK?

OF MICE AND MEN

This could have been a much happier book if, instead of killing his friend, George became a scientist and found a cure for brain trauma.

Just think, it could have ended with George and Lennie living happily ever after in an old farm house full of indestructible rabbits and puppies.

The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning

Could be called Of Mice And Men

AND REALLY CUTE, UNSQUASHED PUPPIES

'ZINE BAND APPLICATION

Hello. My name is Queenie Careena. I would like to apply for the following full-time position within the 'Zine band: "Person with no musical ability whatsoever who stands around pouting on stage and pretends to play guitar."

I like the Manics, Placebo, '90s indie-schmindie, and the Manics again.

What can I add to the band? Pretty dresses, and good sandwiches during rehearsal breaks.

Queenie Careena

Officially interested. Although you

WOULD BE USURPING ME FROM THAT ROLE

NUMBERS

Once, twice, thrice... what comes next? Here are some suggestions:

Squashed Strawberry, Hector's House

Such intellect is surely

WASTED ON 'ZINE. SIGH...

NINE MILLION?

Actually, estimates of the number of bicycles in Beijing range from four million to 10 million. So it's not really a fact. We should probably get Katie Melua arrested under the Trade Descriptions Act, then.

And Jamie Cullum and James Blunt, who have obscenely been describing themselves as "musicians".

Freshly Squeezed Cynic

Their words will stick in their

THROATS WHEN THEY HEAR SALTYBABES

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