The Mega-Zine Museum
October 3, 2005
THE AMAZING BOUNCING FERRET Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man... quick, bake me a cake, WLW! Give me a good raisin.
TIAMAT THE DRAGON What's worse than an ASBO? Two ASBOs given to Thick and Dumb. I agree with the Wolf. Down with da' bungalow! I prefer As-Bo Selecta!
PAGE TWO TEXTAGES
RED XVII Here I am mere hours from paintballing. At last I'll have a gun! He, he, he, he, he... he... ahem... sorry. Breathe deep. Put the gun down.
PSYCHEDELIC GLOOM To DeLorean: Riddle me roo, riddle me ram, Emma spelt backwards ain't Emma but Amme! Ah me!
LOONEY TUNE Today I watched cartoons with David Byrne. Tonight I'm dancing with Derren Brown. Tomorrow I'm making cookies with Johnny Depp. Name-dropper!
Is Franz Ferdinand
ANY RELATION TO RIO?
CLOTHES PART 2
The other day I passed the world's most stylish Big Issue seller. He was wearing a fedora, a trendy blazer, fashionable ripped designer jeans and winkle pickers!
Sorry, but I refuse to buy a Big Issue off a man whose outfit cost more than the contents of my flat.
Norman Radcliffe
Did he have a silk handkerchief
OR JUST A BIG TISSUE?
COURSEWORK
Now I'm doing GCSEs, I have to do coursework... and I love it!
All of my coursework so far has been described as "Outstanding"...
...which is amazing because I didn't even do it!
Vigilante Maelstrom
I used to dig roads, you know
THAT WAS VERY COARSE WORK
OH, MY!
There's just been a place on the telly called Ottery St Mary. "Yeeeeah" for Otter-ness!
I'm tempted to move there simply for the thrill when I see my address on my post every morning.
Lilac Leopard
Why not go to Ottery?
YOU COULD ALWAYS TARKA THE TRAIN
THINGS THAT SAILORS...
...used to say.
- "Shiver me timbers"
- "Arr, Jim lad, where be 'e treasure then?"
- "Give 'e a tot of rum"
- "Splice the mainbrace"
- "A vast behind"
- "Thar she blows"
- "Last one off the plank is a sissy"
Daddypoos
Ah, a life on the ocean wave
IS BETTER THAN GOING TO SEA...
ARGOS
I was once a building. This building, or "me", as I called myself, was situated in lower north England, behind the ignorance. I contained people and things and I was an Argos.
I was happy and not at all a human. Then, a Baron called Wamberto Echo turned me into a human man called Len Secret and now I am here, being screened on the TV.
If anyone can help me become a building again, I will give you all a bit of sky.
Len Secret
Here's a nice jacket for you
IT FASTENS AT THE BACK...
