The Mega-Zine Museum
September 21, 2005
MOTLEY MANIC Kris Akabusi's lifetime ambition is to own a golden pear carved by Chaka Khan and the Chuckle Brothers. How would you know, Mrs Akabusi?
SHAVE THE HEAD OF MAVIS DAVIS If I was to be covered in jam, I'd be jam-tastic - FACT. Jam Rocks.
PAGE ONE, PLUS ONE
THE DOCTOR'S MOST INTERESTING AND ECCENTRIC ASSISTANT Oh look. I'm sending a text in class! I'm so naughty. Slapped wrist coming atcha.
TUFTYBEE Well, I was rather hoping that my name change might bring about some popularity. Bang goes that idea. Buzz off, love.
BLAHBLAHBLAH Don't date a tennis player. Love is nothing to them. I heard they were fine at courting.
I went to the giraffe tennis open,
YESTERDAY. I UMPIRED TOO.
COLLEGE FUN
These are the most important things I've learnt so far this year:
- Never, ever listen to yourself on an answering machine.
- My geography teacher sounds like Max, from Max & Paddy.
- Never have a conversation with your bag, even if it is misbehaving. People give you weird looks, and when you explain that you were merely asking your bag to behave, they tend to back away from you.
The Spontaneously Combusting Penguin
Is it OK to listen to voice mails
FROM YOUR BAG ON ANSWER MACHINE?
MYTHICAL CREATURES
- Hedgehogs of happiness - they give hope and chocolate to people lost in the woods.
- Mr Whippy cats - they lay little yummy ice creams.
- Boast beef - really arrogant cows.
- Illusionist rabbits - they make balloon animals and also magic carrots out of nothingness.
- Were-bears - the scariest animals ever.
Little Blue Fox
And Jogging giraffes? "They take you
RUNNING, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO"?
SQUASHED STRAWBERRY...
In 2001, Parsley Possum, Sky Warrior and Kilted Englishman were impersonated on B*ckch*t. Even more shockingly, WLW was impersonated.
Milton (and me) infiltrated B*ckch*t. In her letter to B*ckch*t, she pretended she fancied Des Lynam... and they screened it! Belfast Boy also infiltrated B*ckch*t.
I wonder if 1929 still reads B*ckch*t?
GodEatsBananas, it sounds like your sister has had her chips. I'll get my coat.
Aphra the Post-modern Spy
Surely you can't mean that? I was
IMPERSONATED? AS SILKY A COAT, TOO?
WORRIES OF TECHNOLOGY
My MP3 talks to me. Today it told me: "Bring down the government, they don't speak for us."
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that treason? And last I heard, that's punishable by death. My MP3 player is trying to kill me.
Modern technology, pff, didn't know it was born.
The Death & Resurrection Show
Thank your lucky stars your bag
HASN'T STARTED CHATTING TO YOU TOO
A BOLD NEW BEGINNING
I haven't graced these pages in a while (too lazy) but you know what they say: you can take the mouse out of the cheese but you can't take the cheese out of the mouse.
As a (failed) cook I know these things. So now I am off to UCL uni to do chemistry.
An Ionized Cook's Cook
Ooh, you can do fancy science food!
CHEESE-FLAVOURED OXYGEN AND STUFF
