The Mega-Zine Museum
September 14, 2005
MR MOPPLE IS UPSET BY A BEE Raspberry flavour yogurt will not make you go back in time, contrary to popular belief. But it does taste good. Can't hear you - am in 1942.
ME AND MY INSANIA Leather trousers shall haunt all my dreams! Squeak.
...AND ON THE SECOND PAGE
GODEATSBANANAS My sister is under the impression that she's a potato. This is worrying, as the only reason potatoes exist is to be eaten. What a spud.
DEONBLASTER Ambiguous Snail, can I be the lead guitarist in the 'Zine band? I have a guitar and I can play it. Surely a bonus? If you must.
MECHANIC MONKEY Dear Ambiguous Snail, I would most happily play the triangle in your band. Am I in? We're growing!
He's very modest about it, but...
CEDRIC THE SEA MONSTER'S ACE OF BASS
ANTLERS AT APU
The One With The Mighty Antlers, I have a question for you.
Is the APU you speak of short for Anglia Polytechnic University? Because if it is, as I mightily suspect, then that means that you live in the vicinity of, or indeed directly in, my home town!
Please inform me I'm not alone in this town of chavs. Methinks I may be as good at being a super-sleuth as Aphra... probably not.
Ambiguous Snail
Which means your home town is...
NO IDEA - I'LL ASK JADE GOODY
THESPIANS
I got a part in a production of Treasure Island playing Long John Silver.
I start next week 'cause I'm in hospital tomorrow having my leg off.
Daddypoos
Don't forget a parrot must be
SURGICALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR SHOULDER
SOME NICE CRUMPETS
I bought some crumpets today to give me all the bread-like goodness one needs each day.
Anyway I took them home ready to slide them into the toaster when it dawned upon me they wouldn't fit. I managed to squeeze them in anyway, but of course the sides got burnt.
I could get a new toaster to fit the crumpets but several pounds isn't worth the fifty pence worth of bread. Karma may be at work here.
The Owl of Bewilderment
You need to invent a crumpet trimmer
YOU WILL MAKE A FORTUNE
PRIDE AND NINJAS
Last week, while getting the bus back from Glasgow, an old woman sat beside me. I turned to my friends behind me to talk about Pride And Prejudice, saying how it wouldn't be so bad if there were more ninjas, guns, swords and blood in it.
Upon hearing this, the old woman gets up and moves seat. The cheek of some people!
If she'd talked to me about the weather or what she was having for dinner, I wouldn't have moved.
One Winged Angel
Maybe the reason she moved was
THERE WAS CHEWING GUM ON HER SEAT
ELEPHANTS
Upon my return from Namibia, investigating the curious disappearance of the majority of their elephants, I have concluded the following:
- They have gone on holiday to Tuskany.
- The elephants still in Namibia couldn't go as they wouldn't fit on the plane.
- The elephants on holiday cannot visit nudist beaches, as they cannot remove their trunks.
Detective Red JellyBean
I'll phone up and ask them
I'LL MAKE IT A TRUNK CALL
