Mega-Zine
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September 7, 2005

VIGILANTE MAELSTROM The BBC said: "Dick and Dom are back... where they belong!" I looked in the furnace, but I couldn't see them. Try Room 101...

ENCHANTED ROSE Hey WLW, are Cedric and Mabel Mop two of your alter egos? We are one, big (fairly) happy family.

 

SECOND PAGE TREATS

DADDYPOOS So, you've had some hairy experiences in Wigan have you? Do tell. I might have been one of them (and that question is to... No 1). Told you both not to go to Snappy Cutz.

MECHANIC MONKEY I would like to point out I am not a one-hit wonder, I'm just a victim of anti-monkey-ism. WLW? Your defence? Work that monkey magic.

CLARKY CAT I like the cut of 1929's jib. Good kitchen knife's all it takes.

I will have you all know that some

OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MONKEYS

 

HI HO, WLW

How's the Mega? Good. And the 'Zine? Excellent. I recently got back from holiday, so maybe I'll write a letter sometime. Actually that's doubtful, I have season three of Futurama, don'cha know.

Well, either way, I'll give that "texting number" a ring sometime and ask to speak to a gay giraffe.

I only hope I don't get a wrong number. Hoo boy, that'd be a tough one to explain.

The DeLorean That Got Struck By Lightning

Remember Megazine comes just before

MR SCIENCE TEACHER IN YER PHONE

 

WHEN I WERE A LAD...

  • Sucking the orange stuff out of a block of ice was a treat.
  • Girls only tried to drown you in the pool instead of mercilessly rebuffing you. And then drowning you in the pool.
  • The sense of overwhelming failure crushed every little hope and dream I ever had.

Them were the days.

Freshly Squeezed Cynic

Did you only get a lump of coal and

A SATSUMA FOR CHRISTMAS TOO?

 

THE X FACTOR

I was watching this last night. And I can't believe it. Are these people deluded?

Did you see Charlotte, the 16-year-old performing arts student? Sorry, but my Hoover sings better.

Still, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell were out of order making her cry. But she made me cry. Cry laughing, that is.

Bless Sharon Osbourne though, for leaving the auditions to speak to her. She's faaabulous!

Six Lumps Of Sugar

Singing Hoovers, eh? What next?

DANCING TUMBLE-DRYERS?

 

ATROCITIES

Squashed Strawberry, I remember several years ago, a bunch of established 'Ziners were impersonated on B*ckch*t.

Tabloid readers frothed at the mouths, questions were asked in Parliament, but nobody was ever charged.

Do these atrocities continue?

Norman Radcliffe

The case is still open. It is filled

HOWEVER WITH "SMASHED STRAWBERRIES"