The Mega-Zine Museum
April 18, 2005
MEET TRUTH WART Stop mentioning Hollyoaks. Whoops. Hollywhoops.
LILAC LEOPARD Spears woman is in the process of pro-creating. Re-arrange these words: World The Of End Nigh The Is. Nigh Is The End World Of The. What next?
DADDYPOOS Eat carrots and see in the dark? It works for rabbits. Specsavers for you, though. Works with broccoli, too. Especially if you have a torch handy.
EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES
Do you reckon "I got kidnapped and forced into the Battle Royale program" counts as an acceptable excuse on my extenuating circumstances form?
Arrant Nerd Boxes Yodeller
Not as good as 'Rabbits ate my life-
GOVERNING SUPPLY OF CARROTS' BUT HEY
PURE ENTERTAINMENT
These are some of my top four quotes from the commentators of the last Motorbike Grand Prix:
- "Jabbing around like a frog in a sock."
- "That was so fast, it could give him stretch marks."
- "Ah! Nightmare in a bubble car!"
- "Stand well back and turn your collar up."
The Spontaneously Combusting Penguin
Imagine what fun it is ON it if
THAT MUCH FUN IS BEING HAD OUTSIDE!
NAMING PLANTS
In February I stuck a label on a pot plant in the graphics studio at college declaring: "My name is Nigel." It's still there.
While washing my paintbrushes today I noticed a label on the pot plant on the windowsill in front of me saying: "Hey, I'm Harry. How you doing?"
Someone else at college names plants. Excellent.
The One With The Mighty Antlers
Up to you whether this friendship
TAKES ROOT OR YOU LEAF IT ALONE...
SHOELACES
Did you know that if you tie seven standard length shoelaces together, the length of the laces would be equal to a distance far shorter than the distance between the Earth and the Moon.
Comic Critic
It's a different story altogether if
YOU OPT FOR THE 32" LACES HOWEVER
LETTER PRONOUNCING
As I read through various Teletext pages, I see myself on GameCentral discussing what is and isn't a classic game.
A few pages later I see myself, again, talking on Mega-zine about the pronunciation of the letter "z".
And they say that Mega-zine is dumbing down...
Dr Namgge
It's like Intellectuals Corner at
THE UNIVERSITY OF OXFORDSHIRE, NO?
WHAT IS IT, DOCTOR?
I congratulate the BBC on a fine job on the new Doctor Who. As a long-term fan who has forgotten the magic of this show, this has opened my eyes once more.
But did they have the common sense to put Christopher Eccleston on contract for a few years? Nope.
But at least he has lasted longer than Paul McGann and that is something. And better than nothing.
The Owl of Bewilderment
And almost the same as everything
BEARING IN MIND IT ALL HAPPENED
SLEEPING
This is one of life's mysteries. People ramble about how the pyramids were built and how S-Club (insert number here) ever got into the charts, when the real question is that of sleep.
The more I sleep the more tired I become. The less I sleep the more awake I am, but then I get tired after a few days.
When will those boffin-type people in labs actually tell us how to sleep? Maybe they're all just too tired.
Osiris
It's easy to sleep. Just wait 'til
8 IN THE MORNING THEN GET ON A BUS
