The Mega-Zine Museum
March 18, 2005
JUNIOR MINISTER So, I'm off to Salou with the University. That's four days of sun, sea, sand and er... sport. At least it ain't "sewage" any more...
PRINCESS PSYCHO So I see scientists have discovered a galaxy with no stars. So it's like Celebrity Big Brother. On the plus side it does have a better personality than Jordan. Lotta hot air.
EGG & CHIPS I haven't been watching. I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control. You're off your box.
THE BRIGADIER
Has The Brigadier emigrated? It would explain his long absence from 'Zine.
I was researching bagpipes on the internet (long story, don't ask) when I discovered www.brigadier.com.au - an Australian website selling bagpipes and kilts.
Maybe he went off in search of Kylie and is never returning? Come back!
The One With The Mighty Antlers
We'll know he's met Kylie when he
STARTS SELLING BOOMERANGS
PETER KAY
He rocks, he's funny, he means that suddenly my accent has become humorous... but it emerges he supports the dirty reds. He only pretends to follow Big Sam's Super White Army to get the support of shallow people like me.
This is so wrong I may have to have a lie down and think where my priorities lie.
Never, ever, ever support Man U. It's not big and it's not clever.
Numberthree
Do you do those Man U-style
KEEPY-UPPYS WHEN YOU LIE DOWN?
CHAMPION
I claim the record for the fastest printed letter on 'Zine. Sometime last year, I sent an e-mail at around 1.30am on a Friday and it was printed on the same day.
I particularly remember it because we had fish cakes for tea and I can still taste them.
So where's my prize?
Frosty
You were a p(r)awn in my social
EXPERIMENT. THAT'S THE PRIZE
MORE CHRISTIAN MUSIC
The official best band in Scotland ever, Belle & Sebastian, is kind of Christian music. Stuart, the lead singer, is in his local choir.
Either them or NWA is my favourite band, at the moment. Another good band, Arrested Development, is quite religious too.
I think I've got... 137 B&S songs on my iPod.
Crinkle-cut Beatroot
I think you're one Aled Jones short
OF A CHOIR, MY LOVE
SEMINARS, SLEEP AND STUFF
Well, I've finally presented my seminar, and thereby finished my workload for Easter before Easter. Unfortunately, I was up all night doing it and haven't slept in over 24 hours. If it's good enough for Jack Bauer, I figure, it's good enough for me.
Though it's bad for my health, I'm on my second (or fourth) wind at present. Can you remind me to put myself to bed?
Nighty-night, everyone.
Arrant Nerd Boxes Yodeller
You forget that Jack has a week-long
BREAK BETWEEN EVERY HOUR OF HIS DAY
BEHOLD MY POWER
See the unstoppable power that I possess? I need merely to send an e-mail requesting letters about penguins falling over, and lo and behold - a letter about penguins falling over!
Now if only I could get more people to listen to The Goon Show. Then I could happily chat about Harry and Min and Bluebottle, and no-one would think me strange. Well, stranger.
Ye Purple Puff of Ancient Lore
Don't take any notice giraffelets
SEND ME LOTS OF PRESENTS INSTEAD
VARIOUS MUSING
In response to The Brigadier - old boy, that's a delightful list of films you treated us to and I must say, Showgirls - it's particularly belting when you're 13. Random 'Ziner of this week is Space Metador, incidentally.
Also, the new Moby album arrived, and it's quite fantastic. Why your Teletext friends gave it such a mediocre review, WLW, I'll never know.
Farmer Jack
Those Moby-mauling freaks are
NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, HONESTLY
