The Mega-Zine Museum
January 28—29, 2005
SQUIDGY LOBSTER Today I saw a small child running around town - WEARING OVEN GLOVES. What, like, on her head?
KENNY THE SHORT GUY IN THE ORANGE COAT It's only 11 months until Christmas. Let's put up the tree! Let's buy the Jaffa Cakes! Ho, ho! But let's not bypass Easter eggs on the way.
LORD CHARLES I was trying to daydream, but my mind just kept wandering. You need to sit tight and concentrate reeeeeally hard...
SUM REPLIES 'N' DAT, INNIT
Cockney London Person: Soz mate bu' I have neva 'eard o' ya b'fore. Iz ya ment t' be sum sort o' wurld famous geezer?
The Spontaneously Combusting Penguin: Is ya seriously suggestin' dat Vicky Pollard izn't da chav God? Next ya'll be tellin' me she'z jus' a characta!
The Wonky Gnome: "Doofus" iz a goth insult 'n' I 'aven't got dat frog as a ringtone - I'z got it az a message alert.
The Burberry Chav
Don't mention that frog (shudder)
HE'S RIVALLING MY KOOKY ANIMAL CROWN
CHICKEN IMPRESSIONS
My mother can't say the word "gym" without flapping her arms wildly, as if she is in the middle of a particularly wild rendition of The Birdie Song.
After finding out that my brother paid a visit to the place, she managed to give herself a complete upper arm workout because she was flapping so much.
It was a nightmare when she was on the phone trying to tell her friend where her son had been.
Toenail Clippings
What does she do when you mention
YOUR WHITE WATER RAFTING?
'ZINE SWEAR WORD
The obvious choice would be flangy (rhymes with bang-y) because I made that word up in 1998 and still haven't found a decent use for it. Please? No?
OK, how about B*ckch*at, on account that it's so rude we have to censor it anyway?
Matthias Mortimer Zulu
How dare you use such PROFANITY with
ME. ACTUALLY IT WASN'T THAT BAD...
JOY DIVISION
Love Will Tear Us Apart. Great song for dancing round the bedroom to. Annoys the mother in the room below though.
Nowt like a bit of Madchester. We still pay tribute to the Hacienda. Quite sad really - we were only born in 1985. Madchester is a little before our time.
Oh well, Mum's a dance teacher. She should be embracing my love of vibes.
Numberthree
Just as long as she doesn't
TWIST YOUR MELONS...
WHY, OH WHY?
Why do I always get a burst of energy on a Friday afternoon?
Surely it would be more useful if I could get this energy on Monday morning, giving me vim and vigour for the rest of the week (by the way, isn't vim and vigour a brilliant phrase? - it should be used more often).
If only someone would invent some kind of energy conservation device, to save energy for when it was truly needed.
Ye Purple Puff of Ancient Lore
I had one once but kept setting it
OFF AT THE WRONG TIME. IN LIBRARIES.
LORD OF THE SKANK
I'm mighty glad at the increased mentioning of ska and skanking on 'Zine, but I would like to point out that I am the best skanker ever.
My proof? Well, at a Less Then Jake gig a couple of years back, a big guy in a two-tone style suit with a skinhead proclaimed I was the best skanker he had ever seen.
Surely that's enough?
Sam Got A Snorkel
But did he have two-tone, magic
MIRROR GLASSES ON, TOO?
ZERO TOLERATOR
Thanks for mentioning me in your letter. It's cool to be appreciated. I'm still here, and so are my friends Smashed and Squashed.
I don't know what happened to Psychedelic Fantasy and Plughole Gloom. Maybe they will defect to The Void, like Baby Grumplig has?
Juicy Strawberry Hector's House
The Void?? The Void schmoid! Come
BACK DEFECTORS, ALL IS FORGIVEN...
