Mega-Zine
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May 28, 2004

SUBATOMIC GENIUS I wonder how long it takes Spiky Stuy to walk past a mirror? Three days? Ha ha. Well done.

STREWTH Shorry, I'm either drunk or I've got shomeone elshe's falsh teeth. Or I might be Sean Connery on an off day. Is that you, Briggie, under a false name? Don't be shy...

FANNY ADAMS That was rubbish. Try again. You've no idea how often I utter that in one day.

 

CONFUSED? I KNOW I AM...

Have you ever convinced yourself of something you know isn't really real but you're convinced it is?

Like the time that I firmly believed that ladybirds had white spots, to the extent that I actually went out into the garden and hunted some down. Even then, when I had recovered several ladybirds, all of which had black spots, I was still positive that they had white spots.

Ever had that?

The Lightning Lady

Only after too much of

MABEL'S HOME-MADE PUNCH

 

VERY METAL!

It has come to my attention that various persons within these pages seem to find it amusing to randomly namedrop bands that nobody else in the world has heard of. So, here's my contribution.

  • Iron Monkey
  • Mistress
  • Charger
  • Pig Destroyer

And no, I haven't made the last one up.

Olaf The Hairy

Surely they're all

PHONEY???

 

KIDS' TV NOW SUCKS

While I've been sick this week I've had the unfortunate displeasure of seeing kids' TV shows. What's happened?

Kids' TV used to be full of great shows like Dangermouse, Trap Door, Mr Benn, Thundercats, Willow The Wisp and Rhubarb And Custard. Now it's all adults prancing around singing and acting badly or dressing up in giant "disturbing" costumes.

And don't get me started on the quality of cartoons.

DJ Rhimes

Totally agree

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS RULED

 

HAIR

I don't like your new haircut. It looks like a love affair between Don King and a mouldy rat. It's a gargantuan mistake that will ruin your life, frighten children and bruise fruit.

Nah, I'm kidding, I like it. But did you have to shave the beard?

Flying Turnip

I haven't shaved the beard

IT'S RIGHT UNDER MY LEFT EYE

 

CLUMSY CLOT

My brother spilt tea on our keyboard, now I Can't do a lower Case "C" for love nor money.

WatCh — Cat's Continue to Cultivate Cabbages in their Cramped Cat baskets.

Supposing I have to type that sentenCe again? I'll look a fool, a fool who isn't Careful with their typing. Tut, tut.

Toenail Clippings

I C how that Could be

MOST ANNOYING

 

STUFF I DID TODAY

  • Went into the shops with a funny girl.
  • Filled the head of sixth form's office with balloons.
  • Defaced a T-shirt.
  • Ignored my final demand for money from the Establishment.
  • Overdosed on Pringles again.
  • Gave the French assistant a tin of Pedigree Chum.

Arrant Nerd Boxes Yodeller

Bet the assistant doesn't want to

BECOME A TEACHER NOW