The Mega-Zine Museum
May 7—8, 2004
TWINKLE TOES You should never criticise a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then, if he takes offence, you will be so far away he'll never be able catch you. That may depend on whose shoes he's wearing.
HIT AND RUN The dog sat on the cat, the cat sat on the rat, the rat sat on the mat, that's cleared up that. Ah, but who sat on the hat? The gnat?
YE PURPLE PUFF OF ANCIENT LORE So many badgers... Are there? Are you sure?
THE TASTE TEST
So, there I am, drinking a carton of 5 Alive, and I swear, I could only taste four of the flavours. So I phone the 5 Alive helpline.
Snotty woman: "Hello, can I help you?"
Me: "Yes, I can only taste four of the flavours."
Snotty woman hangs up.
The Lightning Lady
Maybe it's your problem
YOU HAVE TASTEBUD DEFICIENCY
LIFE IN 2020
In 2020, we will all live in a big plastic shoebox, where it will rain big spangle-dangle drops of pink glitter.
We will all shop at Ikea and our living rooms will be full of the kitsch plastic furniture (like Barbie).
Cars will no longer be allowed, as they are unreliable, so instead, we will all ride on giraffes.
Oh, what fun it will be!
Pysgod Solodion
Nobody's riding on my back
I DON'T PICK UP HITCH-HIKERS
NOT ENOUGH SHEEP
Jan Of The Pink Gravy, I am disappointed with the facts you have about Scotland. You have shattered my dreams. Running after sheep has been my lifetime fantasy.
Being from the South, we have to make do with rodents that seem to try and drown themselves every time I try and talk to them.
Well, I'm off to Wales, I hear they have sheep.
Lost
Yes, they have sheep in Wales
AND SUICIDAL RODENTS
WOOF
I have a friend in America who calls her cat "Dog". There's even a song, Walking My Cat Named Dog, or was it the other way around?
Then there's Cat Deeley. But you couldn't call her a dog, unless you were being catty.
Fleabag
Ruud Van Nistelrooy puzzles me
WHY DO THEY CALL HIM HORSE?
OUTRAGE!
I'm declaring war on Flying Turnip! Not only have they dissed Harry Potter, but now they think that The Simpsons should be stopped.
I'm very annoyed, not to mention angry, and hereby declare us enemies.
I shall be planning my tactics shortly.
Queen of the Elbow
It's the match of the century
THE ELBOW v THE TURNIP
AMAZING
Seems you have been giving in to the demands for pictures, WLW. I'm not surprised, your pictures are worthy of a place in any art gallery and I don't blame you for showing them off.
What other marvels can you do on Teletext? How about making the word turnip green?
Flying Turnip
There's no end to my talents
I CAN DO PINK TOO!
BLUR
I was having one of those "where did it all go wrong?" days when suddenly, the answer flew down and smacked me in the middle of the forehead!
Back in the days when you had to like either Blur or Oasis, what was I thinking being an Oasis fan? Oasis are good but they're not worth getting your best stripey socks on for. Blur though? Classic!
Hog Nosed Skunk Flea
Forget Blur v Oasis
BRING ON KEANE v FRANZ FERDINAND
