The Mega-Zine Museum
February 3, 2004
HER INFERNAL MAJESTY I have but one thing to say to all you townies out there. Go home and try on your tracksuit. Thank you. I don't think they ever actually take them off.
YE PURPLE PUFF OF ANCIENT LORE Tell me about your problems. Really, I'm very interested. Just lie down on the couch and hand me your cheque book. Go for it if you like. The cheques will bounce.
DANGER RANGER MONKEY BUCKLE SHOE Everyone loves Elmer! I don't.
EVIL, NASTY WLW!
Why oh why must you constantly rubbish The Darkness, when there are so many bands out there worthier of your criticism?
By this I mean Busted, the awful Busted, and finally, the hideous Busted.
Get a grip!
Triangular Frostbite
At least they have nice eyebrows
WELL, FUNNY EYEBROWS
THE GREAT ROCK STAR SHIRT CONSPIRACY
I can't have been the only one to notice, while watching Kerrang, Q, Scuzz etc, that so many rock stars are missing shirts — for example, the Chilis.
Other people guilty of not affording shirts include that guitarist from SOAD with the cool beard, Soulfly, Perry Farrell (of Jane's Addiction fame), and Fred Durst.
Maybe we should set up a fund...
Insomniac Tapeworm
What are you, their mother?
LET THEM CATCH A CHILL
SAD STORY
Cecil was a singer who suffered from excessive sibilance. He succeeded by selecting his songs sagaciously.
All went well until he received a request to sing a saucy song about 66 sozzled sailors from Sausalito. He was never asked to sing again.
His speech impediment was eventually cured and he was ready to make a comeback when he died suddenly from a disease with an unpronounceable name.
Lovey Dovey
If I'm supposed to care
I REALLY DON'T
NUMB HAND TRICK
If you ever get lonely, do as I do and sit on your hand for an hour.
Why? Simple, you can then proceed to feed yourself chocolate with the pre-sat hand and, as it is numb, it feels like you are being fed by a friend or relative.
Thus the illusion of friendship and love is created.
Topper
That is frighteningly
WEEEEEIRD
AITCH — NOT HAITCH!
"What's the eighth letter of the alphabet? What? No! It's aitch, not haitch!"
I know such a crime would not be committed on 'Zine, but it really gets on my nerves when people say haitch instead of aitch!
It's a bit unsettling — saying haitch might replace saying aitch if it's used so much in the future!
Aaargh, my brain!
The Wonky Gnome
I agree
DEPENDS ON THE ACCENTS
LIFE
I don't think some of us appreciate how lucky we are to be alive. Millions of frankly extraordinary events gave us the gift of life, and yet some people treat life like it's a curse.
Here's my advice. Look at the clouds in the sky, hear the wind rustling in the trees, feel the Earth beneath your feet... and smile (or else the bunny gets it).
Hippy Zaganza
You are far too happy
FOR THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK
