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December 11, 2003

THE CUSTARD COVERED LAMPSHADE Hello, I'm new here. Do you have any sugar? No, I'm sweet enough.

SYKOPATHIK MUSHROOM Seeing as how I have nothing interesting to say, I'll limit myself to Page One. Good idea. Try to have more of them.

MISS SNAZ The printer's jammed. Don't suppose you do repairs WLW? It's a shame Teletext doesn't have a handyman. Just think of all the DIY advice he could give. Handy? In this place?

 

TOWNIES

The only sentences that are in a townie's vocabulary...

  1. "I'm gonna slap ya."
  2. "Are you lookin for a slap?"
  3. "Wow, this is blinkin'."
  4. "God, he is mingin'."
  5. "Those shoes like do not go with that outfit."
  6. "Whatever."

I really hate townies.

The Illegal Wife of James Bourne

They wear shoes with combats

THEY DON'T CARE WHAT MATCHES

 

CHANGE OF NAME

I believe this is where any name changes have to be registered.

I'd like to change my name from Boris B Bogberry to Boris C Bogberry to avoid confusion with my cousin Boris D Bogberry. Is that OK?

By the way, you can call me Dimples.

Efrem Zimbalist Junior

Sorry

WRONG BUILDING. NEXT PLEASE

 

A TYPICAL DAY AT MY COLLEGE

Turn in 20 minutes late, complete with breakfast, including hot "spillable" coffee.
Proceed to place coffee on to desktop computer.
Hear the tutor saying things, but take none of it in.

That's it really. I download some pretty desktop wallpapers though.

What rhymes with "I've failed my diploma"?

Farmer Jack

You're a loner?

LOOK, I'M TIRED OK

 

MY CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

  • Charlie.
  • A camper van (preferably orange).
  • A lifetime supply of tomato ketchup.
  • A million quid.
  • Blazin' Squad to be vaporized.
  • The chance to cook with Jamie Oliver.

Emma-the-lil'-Angel

Jamie in a camper van covered in sauce

TO BE RESCUED BY CHARLIE...

 

SONG OF THE FRAZZLED MOONGAZER

I climbed up on the roof
To gaze at the moon,
But suddenly I realised
It was early afternoon,
I couldn't be bothered
To go back to bed,
So I decided to gaze
At the sun instead.

Lovey Dovey

Bad for your eyes that

WEAR SUNGLASSES NEXT TIME

 

TOM AND JERRY

I watched Tom and Jerry for the first time in a couple of years yesterday. And all I can say is, that Jerry was a sadistic little guy, wasn't he?

I mean, Tom only wanted to protect his milk. That doesn't mean you can whack him in the face with a frying pan then force him to bite his own tongue.

I mean, that's just going too far.

A leprechaun called Steve

Possessiveness is not a

LIKEABLE QUALITY

 

WHY I'M GOING TO FAIL MY ENGLISH MOCK

  • I used a quote six times, just because it had a swear word in it.
  • I quoted from The Simpsons.
  • I wrote far too much about goldfish.

Ye Purple Puff of Ancient Lore

I'm no teacher

BUT I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT