The Mega-Zine Museum

October 20, 2003

MILTON AND ME Did you know Monarch Of The Glen was originally created as a replacement for water torture? What's the excuse for RI:SE?

THE BENIGHTED BUDGERIGAR Wouldn't it be great if Spiky Stuy and Gothbabe ran away together — and no-one bothered to look for them. Let's chip in for the bus fare.

JINGLE If 'Ziners were vegetables? Half the 'Ziners are already vegetables. Boiled and shrivelled. Like me.

THE DARKNESS

Everywhere I look there are people constantly gassing about The Darkness. Whether it's out of adoration or disgust it seems that there is nothing that the British public love doing more than talking about them.

Don't get me wrong, though, for I am about to join in. I don't love them, or hate them.

Now you know.

I Believe In A Thing Called Indifference

Some people are just sheep

FOLLOW WHAT THEY THINK IS COOL

SOUTHEND

By the way, Bob Geldof's Underwear, I also happen to live in that oh-so-common town named Southend, where Burberry caps and big hoopy earrings are so abundant, and I am willing to vouch to WLW that it's all true.

I'll be sending photos soon to prove it my dear WLW...

Bad Monkey No Banana

Oh dear. And just when my

EYESIGHT WAS RECOVERING

WHERE HAVE THEY GONE?

I have just realised how funny the Nescafe people were at the breaks in Hollyoaks, in fact their acting was better than that of the actual human Hollyoaks cast — where did they go?

Did you kidnap them WLW and make them do comedy routines to earn you a bit of cash on the side, as we all know you are underpaid?

Am I right? I knew it!

TheUnitedTruth

Yes, I am underpaid

AND THE DOLLS AMUSE ME GREATLY

IF 'ZINERS WERE CHARACTERS FROM THE DUKES OF HAZZARD

Insane Jam Sow

Never watched it

SO LACKING A FUNNY COMMENT

THINGS TO DO WHEN ORDERING PIZZA

• Order one slice instead of a whole pizza.
• When they repeat your order, say "Again! With a little more OOMPH this time!"
• Order two toppings and then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
• Pretend you're depressed and get the order-taker to cheer you up.
• Terminate the call with "Remember, we never had this conversation".

The Wonky Gnome

Block your phone number

TO SAVE ALL REPERCUSSIONS

WHY?

Why, oh why, have I spent the past year's worth of lunch breaks paying 90p for a bag of fries at USA Chicken, when Big Fry do the equivalent amount of chips for 60p?

I have been losing a quid fifty a week for ages! Arrrrrgh!

And you don't have to walk as far to get to the Big Fry. What have I been doing?

Sykopathik Mushroom

Too busy scoffing

TO NOTICE, CLEARLY

MY CULT

I am going to start my own cult and I invite all you 'Ziners to join it. I do not promise happiness and an afterlife like all the others, I only promise that anyone that joins me will be unhappy.

You will pay me all the money you get and in return you get nothing. But if you don't send me anything, then I have an army of sheep I will set upon the earth. Hahahahahaha

Astroman

Psycho

FREAK

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