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August 10, 2003

THE ONE TRUE MAD OMEN If Nick truly is a doctor, what happened to confidentiality? He should be fired immediately. He can't be a real doctor, he hasn't got a stethoscope.

THE WONKY GNOME Is anybody here watching Fame Academy? No, thought not. Kim Dawson has been. The Sun doesn't agree with her. Nick's been notified.

DISCO DANCING CHIMPANZEE The voices in my head tell me to eat chocolate. Well, what do you know, mine do the same! Must be twins.

 

HAGRID IS SO COOL

Just because I have two pens, a doll, a keyring, two notebooks and two brilliant pictures of Hagrid does not make me obsessed with him.

Why does Harry get all the credit? I mean, Hagrid has a flying motorbike, that just screams cool.

And if it weren't for Hagrid's bad secret-keeping skills, Harry wouldn't have known anything about that scone doo-dar in the first book.

Gerty And Her Onions

He also has a tremendous beard

HANDY FOR KEEPING SNACKS HIDDEN

 

HOW TO SUCCEED...

BOBBY:"I know how to get printed."
NOBBY:"How?"
BOBBY:"We'll rip off a stand-up comedian's routine."
NOBBY:"You mean like that 'pulling friends' routine Zaganza stole?"
BOBBY:"Yes, only we'll pick a funny one."
NOBBY:"And maybe we should use sillier names too. That seems to work."
BOBBY:"You can't get any sillier than Nobby."

Acookingegg

Bobby has a point

DON'T SHOUT NOBBY ACROSS A PARK

 

THE MOST STUPID THINGS ON TV (AND RADIO)

  • The S Club Mini clones singing about being cheated on. How old are they again? A combined age of 5?
  • Those anti-wrinkle cream adverts. Come on, those women won't get wrinkles for like 20 years or something!
  • George Foreman's Lean Mean Grillin' Machine. OK Mister, if it's so good, how come you're so fat, eh?

Triangular Frostbite

Inter-band dating is bad enough

BUT AT S CLUB 8 AGE... WRONG

 

LIFE

Love, happiness, sadness, jealousy, anger, all add to the boiling pot of emotions that is life. We all live, we all die, the bit inbetween is called life.

You won't get another chance, treat every day as if it's your last.

Unless, of course, you're the Highlander, in which case, make a cup of tea and take it easy.

Zaganza

Hello, Baz Luhrman...

ARE YOU BACK AGAIN?

 

MANIC MONDAY

I have to agree with DJ Dave in his defence of the song Manic Monday. Such songs deserve to be played relentlessly.

I'm always spinning it on the old LP player down at Whitehall during tea-breaks. I do, however, confess to being more of a Derek And The Dominos fan.

No records today, though. I've got to help come up with a new transport policy.

Junior Minister

No wonder the transport network sucks

YOU'RE ALL PLAYING DOMINOS!

 

MY SOAP

I've decided to make my own soap opera, starring you lovely loonies out in 'Zineland. I've got a few characters set out.

I play the one who will end up starring in I'm A Celebrity, DJ Dave is (hopefully) going to be the bloke who runs the club, and WLW, I've shortlisted you for the cross-dressing weirdo who lives on the corner. Is that OK?

Local Person

So long as my corner is

WHERE THE SWEET SHOP IS

 

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Unable To Think Of A Funny Names letter about the shop in his town, Banbury, has me in stitches, I hadn't laughed so much since I first heard Busted's rubbish singles!

I've now just been told that I, in fact, KNOW this 'Ziner as he is one of my mates! So, hello, long time no see.

Oh, and he's a lookalike too — think of the lovechild of Will Young and Mark Lamarr. It's SO true, haha!

DJ Dave

Jordan hasn't had relations with

WILL NOW TOO? HELP US!