The Mega-Zine Museum
July 25—26, 2003
PRINCESS PSYCHO I saw a newspaper announce "Bush in Africa". Talk about stating the obvious, I wonder what next — "Trees in wood", "Pope is Catholic", "Sky is blue"? Mavis eats Jaffa Cakes. Oh no, that was a secret.
NAPALM NAPPY Just like to remind everyone that Bromley, the town that its own inhabitants can't decide is in London or Kent, is a great place to go. I have been on holiday unfortunately.
DOUGIE THE MINESWEEPER Cor, windscreen wipers — sexy. Swish swish.
DESPOTS
Despotic Banana wants us all to send money to a fund supporting tyrants. Sorry to disappoint you, Banana, but such a fund already exists — it's called the TV licence fee.
Why should we have to pay a fortune to the BBC, whose junk I never watch, in order to taste the joys of 'Zine, who don't get a red cent from it?
Sapphistication
If they changed the rules
I MIGHT GET A PAY RISE
LESLIE ASH
Casting Leslie Ash as a nurse was quite a sensible move.
Think about it, one look at that face trying to give you the kiss of life would give any patient an instant recovery.
Supernatural Swan
Or conk you out
FOREVER
WHAT DID I DO?
Hey, Psychotic Labrat! What did I do to deserve getting in a fight with you?
I am a cute little white mouse with an insatiable desire to eat cheese. I don't want to fight, but since I seem to have no choice, here's a starter... Kick in the shins!
(And you don't know how hard it is to kick with these little legs, buster!)
The Last Mouse On Earth
Nibbling his toes would have
BEEN EASIER
I DECLARE A MANICS WAR!
I have noticed that certain 'Ziners (cough, cough, Fluffy the Evil One, Torture Garden) for some unimaginable reason dislike the Manics! So, I would officially like to declare the first 'Zine war (that I've heard of) ever.
Pro-Manics on the one side, anti-Manics (spit) on the other. Who's up for a war?
If any of the Manics would like to join in, they are officially invited by, er, me.
The Spontaneously Combusting Penguin
There will be no war on my pages
PEACE IS A NICER SOUND
JOBSEEKER — ROAD SWEEPER
I was on the fourth street when I decided to close my eyes and "use the force" a la Star Wars. I even captured a magpie and pretended he was R2-D2.
Unfortunately, my lack of training was evident as I hit a war memorial, lost all feeling down my left side for six minutes and was fired.
Mr Fahrenheit
At least you didn't lose your contacts
AND TALK TO A STATUE
IF 'ZINERS WERE CONTEMPORARY ROCK BANDS
- WLW: Electric Six (tries so hard to be funny).
- The Brigadier: Athlete (endearingly unhip).
- Sykopathik Mushroom: Hot Hot Heat (very cool).
- Wonky Gnome: The Thrills (mostly good, some filler).
- Spiky Stuy: The Darkness (not afraid to make a fool of himself).
Gothbabe
Briggie has no idea what "contemporary"
MEANS, LET ALONE "ROCK BAND"
BEWARE OF YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOURS
I just thought I'd share with you my fear of my next-door neighbour. She's 500 years old and is called Frank. She has overgrown facial hair and lots of cats. Every time she sees me she hisses at me and says: "Step away, George."
This may seem sensible but this happens when I walk past her house and, seeing as I'm a 15-year-old girl and my name is not George, it seems very bizarre.
Barbie's Less Fortunate-Looking Sister
Still, I'd listen to her warning
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE CLOSE TO THAT
