The Mega-Zine Museum
May 1, 2003
TUTSY Did you know, WLW, that your foot is as long as your elbow to your hand? Amazing. So our duty ed told me. Have you seen his umbrella?
PURPLE PUNK Busted, Good Charlotte and Avril. Let's not complain any more. Let's just laugh — you're not likely to see a bunch of more pathetic people in a long while. Has David Sneddon finally left the country then?
THE ONE TRUE MAD OMEN Sorry WLW, but that ape drape is so 1980s. Oi! Marcel ain't no curtain.
I'M BACK
My latest plan at world domination has failed. I collected thousands of townies in a warehouse, and used mind control to make them do my bidding.
Basically, I told them what to do with a hip hop beat and used the words bling and homies a couple of times.
Unfortunately, when left unattended, they simply couldn't handle it.
Mad Doctor Zovirax
You could have sold tickets under
THE HAZE OF A BLAZIN' SQUAD GIG
BLEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUGH!
What's with you people? One (admittedly funny and regular) 'Ziner claims to be suffering from abject lovelessness, and you all throw yourselves on his potentially romantic mercies!
I mean, the fact that I'm completely alone, I mean, single and loving it, has nothing to do with it. This is just a completely unbiased, non-bitter-and-twisted voice shrieking randomly on these hallowed yet dark pages.
The One and Only Magical Me
Rent Bridget Jones
THEN HOIST UP YOUR PULLING SOCKS
CRAVATS
I wish I could wear a cravat and get away with it. There was an old man on my bus today wearing one and he looked so impressive. He could have been a lord or something, except he was riding the 42 bus, so I doubt it.
It turned out that he was steaming drunk and he started shouting at me because I was staring at him too much. Could have been Briggie!
The Young Upstart
Definitely a Briggie sighting
DID HE SMELL OF PORT?
MY CONDOLENCES
WLW, upon recently hearing about your bad news, I immediately felt sorry for you.
Things must be hard for you at a time like this — I mean, it isn't every day you find that you're impotent.
Then again, I feel sorry for the vet that had to diagnose you.
The Blossoming Weed
Cunning trick to resolve my sexuality
EVERYTHING'S IN WORKING ORDER
NEW 'ZINER ALERT
Age: What, mentally?
Gender: Unknown
Favourite Football Team: Fulham
That's me in a nutshell. To be honest, I'm just trying to get a mention on Insane Jam Sow's website. My name must break some sort of record.
The Man With The Key To The Door Of Reality Underneath The Mat Of Insignificance
Never mind your super long name
FULHAM?! REALLY?
LOVE? BAH, HUMBUG
Why is it that when you think you are happy with someone, a gorgeous guy walks into your life? It's not fair!
Goth boy or skater boy? Ah well, go with both — teehee.
What would you do WLW, as you make more sense than that old farty Dr Nick?
Headless Chicken Nugget
Go for the skater
GOTH BOY WILL STEAL YOUR MAKE-UP
REASONS I AM IN LOVE WITH MICHELLE BRANCH
- She's better looking than Avril.
- She's a better guitarist than Avril.
- She's got a better voice than Avril.
- She's got better hair than Avril.
- She's got better dress sense than Avril.
- She's got a better behind than Avril.
- She's better than Avril.
Mr Robofish
She agreed to be interviewed by Ace
HAIL THE TREE REVOLUTION
