Mega-Zine
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April 29, 2003

ANXIOUS AARDVARK I was given a leaflet today that said: "We only use 10% of our mental potential." So I say we take off all our clothes and run around in the streets, to show them that we are more mental than they think. But I want to keep wearing my new shoes.

FARMER JACK WLW, the number 8 is a dodgy number. Let's have 10 pages! Nine is, in fact, my lucky number.

SYKOPATHIK MUSHROOM Hey, you Brigadier. Would you please... SHUT THE HECK UP!? Woooh. Got out of bed the wrong side?

 

TOP FIVE 'ZINERS EVER

  1. Samurai Hedgehog — the coolest, the one with the wicked hair (and his desperation for a girlfriend is both sweet and amusing).
  2. The Geek Who Shall Inherit The Earth — need I say any more?
  3. The Soulshaker — weathermen deserve respect.
  4. Purple Punk — direct and to the point — I like it.
  5. KrazyChick — I've always wanted to be in a list.

KrazyChick

Can't understand why Samurai is single

YOU'RE DEAD POPULAR ON 'ZINE BOYO!

 

BLUE CHERRII SLUSH

Well, I've been very flattered by the offers from Blue Cherrii Slush and The Girl With The Imaginary Friend Called Cecilia, but I've decided to choose Blue Cherrii Slush as my 'Zine girlfriend.

So I'd be delighted to have you as my new hogette — that is if you can stand my slight obsession with Mini Eggs.

Samurai Hedgehog

Ahh, all fixed up now then. Lovely love

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE MINI EGGS

 

MY FIRST MESSAGE

In order to get my first message printed I thought I'd mention:

  • I own a factory of Jaffa Cakes.
  • I love Briggie — he can come round for a cream tea any day.
  • Spurs are rubbish.
  • WLW is God.
  • Justin Timberlake is a dashing young man.

Perfect Princess

You're the kind of newcomer I want!

SO, FACTORY TOUR THIS WEEKEND???

 

SHOUT OUT

Calling all new 'Ziners, I challenge you to write a message that doesn't contain the following words:

  • Brigadier/Briggie.
  • Jaffa Cakes.
  • Team.
  • Avril.

However, feel free to use the following word: Radiohead.

Genius at Work

Please don't mention Radiohead

I'M DEPRESSED ENOUGH AS IT IS

 

AN OPEN PROPOSITION TO Ms RUINER

I will free you from Mr Reznor's pocket if (there's always an "if") you agree to become my 'Zine girlfriend.

Afterwards, we can keep Trent as a kind of pet and whenever he gets out of hand, we can control him by playing Limp Bizkit.

So, what do you say? I get terribly lonely here by myself with only 30 CDs for company.

Mr Self-Destruct

Fair enough deal but are you ready

FOR THE REAL WORLD?

 

GENIUS!

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool. Wouldn't that be great?

It's horrible when you're busting for a pee and you don't wanna wrestle your swimming costume. You could just swim over, pee and swim off!

Genius.

The Innocent Devil at Number 21

Emptying ashtrays would be a

MUCH NICER JOB THOUGH

 

DEAR WLW

Stop hiding behind that gay giraffe facade. After reading the sci-fi god of a magazine that is SFX I have discovered new knowledge that you may actually be... Daniel Bedingfield!

It seems he used to write for Teletext. Could he be lying and still does work there, and he is you? Or something that makes actual sense?

Answer me boy/girl/gay giraffe/pop god.

Mistress Pink Of The Jaffa Cake Tribe

He was a techie actually. Not me.

MADE GOOD TEA, HOWEVER, I AM TOLD