The Mega-Zine Museum
March 31, 2003
FRANK N FURTER'S BRIDE Life is like a bath — the longer you're in it, the more wrinkled you become. I prefer showers, makes the day go quicker.
TANGOED TOMATO I'm back! Don't worry! Stop crying! Nothing has happened to me, I just forgot to send you an e-mail. I now make my glorious return to these hallowed pages. Forgot! Go befriend an elephant.
THE BRIGADIER That lovely Jennifer Lopez certainly enjoyed my mushrooms. She always did go for fungus.
'ZINERS
Sad news, 'Ziners, myself and Purple Punk have parted as a 'Zine couple.
But look on the bright side, girls — I'm a single 'Ziner again! Oh yes.
And I'm on the lookout for a new 'Zine girlfriend — if any of you 'Zine girls will have a short, spiky-haired 16-year-old Mancunian.
Samurai Hedgehog
And so the dating game begins again
NO STAMINA YOU LOT
DEAR BRIGADIER,
You have left your sanity pills at the counter. Please come back to collect them and stop terrorising these poor people on page 182.
I'm only kidding, Briggie, we love you anyway! That's because he's an oldie with respect for newbies.
Take note, Bob Flapper.
Citizen Twiggy
Look Briggie, you have a fan!
ONE IS A GOOD START ANYWAY
BRAD PITT
All my life I have had a question burning up inside me: why do people actually fancy Brad Pitt? He looks sooooo much like The Grinch (that green monster that stole Christmas) that it is unbelievable.
My best friend thinks he is a god and I just laugh at her, but how can I be the only one who thinks this? Somebody else must see it too.
Haribo Girli
Sexiest man in the world says Granny
SHE IS THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE
PLASTIC SURGERY
Fellow 'Ziners, I am in the process of saving for plastic surgery. I realise that to you guys I am quite possibly the picture of physical perfection but I am self conscious and need a change.
"What is it you're saving for?" I hear you cry. Nose job? Face lift? Liposuction?
No, none of these — I just want an extra eye in the middle of my forehead.
The Way And The Light
I'll give you 50p if you promise
NOT TO SPY ON ME
ENSIGN'S LOG: STARDATE 3.141
I've just started my first starship assignment! Today I tried to order Fanta Lemon from the replicator in engineering, but the fizz from it went all over my control panel and blew up one of the impulse engines.
The Captain's cat was a bit close to it, but Cuddles still managed to survive with all nine half-lives intact.
Q'apla for now.
The Chocolate-Dipped Trekkie
You should see the boost it gives
MAVIS, DROPPED IN HER BOWL!
TOWNIE LOGIC
After attending a rather nice concert on Tuesday, I have some doubts about the general sanity of some townies.
When I arrived at the venue, there was a certain air. When Pitchshifter came on stage, the mosh pit started, and who would be standing at the front, but two townie girls.
They even had the cheek to complain that people were moshing behind them. Some people.
Deshman
Must have stumbled in by mistake
WAS THE VENUE NEXT TO NEW LOOK?
MARCEL?
Is this the monkey that Ross in Friends owned? Really, you bought him?
Wow — I loved that ickle monkey! Will you let me come round and play with him?
No? You're gonna eat him? WLW, Noooooooooo!
The DimGirl (from the molehole)
He came to London to escape the fame
AND HEARD WE STOCKPILE JAFFA CAKES
