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March 18, 2003

THE GHOST OF TGWSITE To save you the trouble, why don't I say that this message is rubbish? You after my job?! I got my shifty eyes on you.

PSYCHIATRISTS NIGHTMARE Did you know that the average Mega-zine page creates enough energy to power a flying shoe? That was Alex Ferguson's excuse.

THE GODDESS OF THE MICROWAVE Where have all the young men gone? They prefer our sister pages Sauce now. It's a sticky mess but we have to deal with it.

 

BUS DRIVERS

Has anyone noticed that most bus drivers only know three words/sayings:

  • "27p please."
  • "You're a penny short."
  • "Get off my bus."

Not the most pleasant of creatures.

The Chicken Who Didn't Quite Make It Across The Road

The drivers on my route speed

AND CHARGE ME 70p A JOURNEY!

 

THE ESSENCE OF SURVIVAL

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster then the fastest lion or it will be killed.

Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.

It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle. When the sun comes up you had better be running.

Amazing what mouse mats can tell you, isn't it?.

Sam Got A Snorkel

Mine is telling me it's time for

A JAFFA CAKE BREAK

 

TIPS

Here are five tips about what not to yell at your English teacher (I know from experience):

  1. Are those clogs on your feet?
  2. Miss, we don't all shop at Everything For A Pound.
  3. Miss, it's non-uniform day, not '80s throwback day.
  4. Are those grey hairs?
  5. Were you born a man, or are you just naturally butch?

Beowulf's Ensign

Pat Butcher is your teacher?

BETTER THAN PHIL MITCHELL I GUESS

 

YORKSHIRE

How I imagine life would be in the fictional place, Yorkshire...

People walking round cobbled lanes, passing many a chip shop, with a flat cap and pipe, shouting aimless things such as "eeee, I could do wi' a loaf our Tony" and "eee, I could do wi' a bit more coal for t'fire, duck".

Farmer Jack

You've been skiving geography,

I DON'T BLAME YOU

 

WLW FAMILY TREE

WLW! Yes, you! I have discovered what your roots are. No, I'm not talking about hair colour, I'm talking about your ancestry.

We all know that you are a gay giraffe. Now, in the epic film Gladiator, Oliver Reed is sold gay giraffes.

So, WLW, there you have it, your ancestors were Roman, and they had a brief appearance in Gladiator.

Tarantino Squirrel

And still Russell Crowe doesn't invite

ME TO STAY OVER ANY MORE

 

AS PROMISED, THINGS I LEARNT IN RUSSIA...

  • I actually really like fresh fruit.
  • My teachers are alcoholics.
  • Russians are a lot nicer than you'd think.
  • I could never live with my friends — either I'd kill them or they'd kill me.

Oh, and I did get a funky furry hat, but I got some strange looks when I wore it to Sainsbury's the other day.

Ye Purple Puff of Ancient Lore

But did you see t.A.T.u or your

FEMALE TEACHERS KISSING?

 

DELAYED RESPONSE

To whoever asked about 10 months ago, the letters that appear when the page counter thing at the top cycles round, are the answers to Bamboozle.

I got four out of 12 today. Today is Saturday. They have a friendly guy on then. Bamber Boozler freaks me out.

Not as much as the stuff on Digitiser, that is seriously crazy.

Alf, The Unstoppable Sprout

GameCentral now. Ha!

WHO THOUGHT UP THAT NAME?!