The Mega-Zine Museum
March 16, 2003
DESHMAN I've never been on the first page. Feels as good as when Mavis tickles my feet with her tail.
SYKOPATHIK MUSHROOM Make your Penguin last longer — only eat it with chopsticks. Careful not to use up all the sauce, though.
PURPLE PUNK I bet you've had way more e-mails since you put the e-mail addy at the bottom of page one. And we thought you didn't like work... Yeah, who's smart idea was that? Mine? I had a smart idea..?
FATHERLY ADVICE
Back in the day when Gimme 5 was king of Saturday morning TV, my Dad imparted some advice that lives with me to this day:
"If you want to keep monkeys out of the bedroom, keep bananas in the kitchen."
Quite a knowledgeable bloke, isn't he?
PS: Stratovarius rock!
The Kiss Of Judas
If only I'd met your dad before today
MY ROOM IS COVERED IN PEANUT SHELLS
WORK
Damn work — chipped a nail on the till. Can't employers pay for manicures nowadays as well?
WLW, where do you recommend getting your nails done? Mine are in desperate need of repair.
I hate work.
Virtual Unreality
How am I supposed to know?
I TYPE LIKE A LUNATIC FOR A LIVING!
HELLOO THERE
I was speaking to my mother today about the real identity of my father.
She told me that he was a gay giraffe who lived with a cat called Mavis and an evil creature who goes by the name of Davord.
I don't suppose you know anyone who fits that description, do you?
Travis, The Queen of the Monkeys
No, I don't I'm afraid
HAVE YOU TRIED CILLA BLACK?
A DISGRUNTLED VIEWER
While watching a bit of Monday night comedy from the British Broadcasting Corporation, I noticed an advert for another of their televison channels targeted at children aged between five and 12.
Aren't they all supposed to be in bed? It was 10pm and I don't think anyone of that age still up will want to watch Blue Peter.
Happy Little Elf
People of all ages need to learn
HOW TO MAKE THINGS WITH JUNK
COMPLAINT
Last time you printed one of my messages, my mum heard me celebrating and I told her why. She told my brother and dad, who phoned my auntie and my nan.
I would therefore like to ask that you never print any of my messages ever again.
Can people also stop mistaking me for Gnuffol.
Gnirlig
At least your family talk
WE GRUNT IN THE TOWERS ON SUNDAYS
A RETORT TO TEAM AVRIL
When titling her "song" Sk8er Boi, why did the pint-sized pop gnome feel the need to:
- Spell Boi wrong, and not actually abbreviate it at all.
- Throw an 8 into a word where it has no right to be. Why can't she spell it correctly?
I'd therefore like to start up the Association of Rolling Stones Enthusiasts.
Hilarious Kenneth
Bet she's a demon
TEXT MESSAGER
STARFLEET ACADEMY
At last, 'Ziners, I got into Starfleet Academy! We took a hard test to get in:
- Is it OK to say "make it so" every two minutes?
- Should an alien ship have less than three seconds to answer your messages?
- Should you only eat food that no one has heard of?
I just answered "Yes" to all of them, and passed with flying colours!
Q'apla for now.
The Chocolate-Dipped Trekkie
You can't eat Jaffa Cakes now then
YOU POOR CHILD
