The Mega-Zine Museum
February 24, 2003
HIPPYCRIT You don't have to say what you or I already know, I found out from HIM! That snitch Justin Timberlake. I'll show him how bum smacking is done.
PURPLE PUNK How does Teletext work? No, really. You think eating sausage sandwiches and Jaffa cakes is work?!
DAGGSY B*ckch*t really isn't that bad if you like S Club. There's plenty of reasons why you should. For the boys, there's Rachel, for the girls, there's, um, err, Rachel? Hair girls want, and boys want to run their fingers through.
A STRANGE DISCOVERY?
Have you noticed that if you are walking while eating something, you always chew in time with your steps.
I think I might think about things far too much.
Conor Oberst's screech in a box
Never drink while walking —
LEADS TO TERRIBLE SPILLS ON SHIRTS
KEEP GETTING HAMMERED
I had a message on my answerphone last week. It was a bloke asking if I could go all the way to London just to stand between two people.
It said: "Hi DJ Dave, I found out that you are big and tall. Any chance you can come to West Ham and stand between David James and Michael Carrick every Saturday afternoon? Thanks, Glenn Roeder."
Ha, ha it's Hammer time.
DJ Dave
Be thankful Tomas Repka wasn't around
OR FERGIE AND HIS FLYING BOOTS
POWERFUL ADVERT Have you seen that amazing npower advert?
Here's how it goes: npower yourself, It's later than you think, npower yourself, While you're still in the pink.
And the two neighbours are staring at them, thinking: "Bunch of loonies."
Amazing.
Hamster The Gangster From Hamsterdam
What a shame my TV seems
TO HAVE LOST THE WILL TO LIVE
THE TRUTH HURTS
I am here to tell you a story that shall make you laugh and cry. Or would you like to hear how I broke my arm?
OK, it started when I decided to go rollerblading down Black Hill. I nearly made it until I collided with a fence.
By the way, WLW, I like your hair. The lime green brings out your eyes.
She Who Has No Name
Shucks, thanks for noticing
COST ME £189 THIS NEW 'DO'
SNOOKER AND SPROUTS
I have discovered just how versatile sprouts can be.
For example, I have developed a special sprout toothpaste, splashed myself all over with sprout aftershave and discovered that you can play a form of snooker with dyed raw sprouts.
Unfortunately, no-one can bear to be in an unventilated room with me, and I've lost all my friends.
The Elephant Sprout
Hate to tell you but
EVEN THIS LETTER STINKS
AN AMUSING GAME
When in chemistry, try to fit as many makes of chemistry equipment into a clever sounding sentence during class discussion.
For example: "Does the level of Glaxowellcome (people who make big periodic tables) come into accordance with the accepted safety level during extended bouts of heating?"
Sam Got A Snorkel
I like it better when you're in
HOME ECONOMICS MAKING ME CAKES
IN LOVE WITH PLASTICINE
I declare this to be man's best invention,
Far superior to the combustion engine,
Although it powers not our automobiles,
And is not for eating — never before meals.
It made my childhood a fantastic time,
And despite it being so hard to rhyme,
I declare it now — Sweet Plasticine
Much better for babies than kerosene.
The Suited Stranger
Morph was a good guy
SQUASHY BUT RELIABLE AND QUIET
