The Mega-Zine Museum
February 16, 2003
THE CAT'S UNDERWEAR Oh my darlin', Oh my darlin', Oh my darlin'... what was her name anyway? Clementine. Eaten by a fruitaholic. So sad.
THE LAST MOUSE ON EARTH I'm bored, WLW! Any suggestions? You could go and find me a new flat. Somewhere cheap.
THE BRIGADIER I trundled along to Ikea yesterday in order to purchase a lap dancing pole. I was most disgruntled that it was not in stock. For yourself? Did you get the hotpants? Mercy me.
NOT NECESSARILY DUMB
Blonde Butterfly — I'm blonde, so can I be in your blonde club?
The Little Purple Furry Thing From Mars — Can I be the Zine girl you scrub up for, please?
Xaven Prince Of Death — People find goths weird because they are different. (I'm a goth, by the way).
Pix'n'Mix Pixie
A blonde goth?
WHATEVER WOULD OZZY SAY?
SYKOPATHIK MUSHROOM
It's spelled doughnuts — donuts is the American spelling.
Speaking of doughnuts, I wonder if it would be a good idea to create a doughnut with a filling made entirely of pilchards. Now there's a thought.
The Psychedelic Gloom
Enough fishy gubbins —
STICKY, RED JAM. MMMMMMM
SOMETHING'S NOT WRITE
Writer's block is a bloomin' terrible thing. Right now, it's doggin' my existence.
What I want to know is, what is writer's block? And is there a cure available for it?
Mr Deadhead
It's an alternative name for the
BRICKS USED TO BUILD MY TOWER
FRANKLY UNBELIEVABLE
How dare they vote Chad Kroeger the ugliest man in music! Next to Jonathan Wilkes, he is possibly the sexiest man on the planet!
Who can resist that sexy, deep, croaky voice and those lovely long tresses? I am astonished.
I demand that we join together to make this fair planet aware of his Godlike qualities — are you with me?
Frank N Furter's Bride
Wilkes is hardly still in music mind
BUT HE DID PLAY FRANK 'N' F...
USELESS FACT NUMBER 233
Did you know that we share 50% of our genes with bananas? That's a whole half! I hope you're suitably impressed because I've spent ages trying to think of interesting things to put in my first letter lo 'Zine.
But my life is very boring and so I resorted to stating useless facts from posters in the science corridor.
Not-So-Innocent Bystander
I'm impressed — but I now feel bad
ABOUT EATING YOUR COUSINS
GAME FOR A LAUGH
This game is the funniest I have ever played. The greatest question I have seen is as follows:
Who is the presenter of The Weakest Link?
The contestant's answer: Les Dennis
Sometimes I'm surprised how I manage to end up with money at the end.
Happy Little Elf
That programme isn't still going is it?
WHAT DO I PAY A LICENCE FOR?
FUN FOR ALL
Here's a fun game that anyone can enjoy. All you need is 15 hams, a stick, a weasel, and a hospital.
Now tie the hams to your jacket, put the weasel on the stick.
Now run through the hospital screaming "I am the Lizard King!"
Fun for all the family.
The One True Mad Omen
It would be far more interesting if you
STICK THE HAMS IN YOUR TROUSERS
